One Week More

This post was going to be devoted to happy things, since I feel like I've been a downer the last couple of times. But some crazy business has gone down in the last week, and I feel like I need a moment to PSA.

Before you read any further, take a minute to introduce yourself to taper madness. This excellent article (which gives great insight to people who are supporting marathoners as well as those of us running the race) shed some light on the fact that I have gone coo-coo-cachoo in the last couple of weeks. Like legitimately bonkers folks. 

My friends who were just pregnant kept talking about baby brain, and my head has been equally foggy and frustrating. I can't remember my normal schedule, can't keep track of things that I do every day, and while I am normally hyper organized and clean right now everything feels like it is going to shambles around me. I am panicking more often than not, and had no idea that it was normal (or at least expected).

For the record, I have done four of the five things on the article's list (because getting lost on the course would just be impossible), and wish someone had told me a month ago that I was supposed to warn my loved ones a month before the race and tell them I would lose my sanity and they would all hate me.

The article also describes taper madness as "unpleasant." That is vastly understated.

So just know that taper madness is a thing, and that we deal with it, and you have to too, because you know us. 

This ends the PSA portion of our programming. Now back to your regularly scheduled silly pictures.

Fo Realz, Mr. Turtle.

Because I'm mad for tapers!

It's gonna be my pace.

Please don't, Mr. Gossling (pleasepleasedon'treallifeboyfriendJeff).

In other news, I collected the check for my birthday party/fundraiser that I held on September 28th. Folks, we raised $250 from the raffle and $609 from the charity power hour. That is un-freaking-believable. I am so incredibly proud of everyone who donated, and extremely grateful (especially to Jeff, who provided most of the friends). So from the total $859 we raised we will be able to give seventeen people clean water for their entire lives!!

I've smashed my initial goal of $1310 (fifty dollars - or one person - for every mile I run) and am hoping to reach $2000 by race day. Guys, it's only $216 more than where I am right now.

So please, if you have been following, enjoying, or stumbled upon this blog and you have not been able to donate yet, consider doing so in this last week. Even just a little bit will help me get those last dollars in. Donate here, and feel free to enter any amount under $50 in the "other" slot. 

Thank you for joining me on this crazy journey. Thank you if you have donated. Thank you if you have given me hugs, rubbed my feet, or listened to me cry about this experience in any way. You are all wonderful, and I would not have made it this far without any of you. I am taking you all with me on race day, and the next time you hear from me it will all be over. And hopefully with very, very, good news.

T-Minus Thirteen Days....

Whoo golly this is getting rough.

I have two weeks, two measly weeks until the marathon. My runs from here on out, will all be under ten miles. I've bought new shoes for some spring in my step, and a new running outfit which I will hopefully get to wear on race day, weather permitting. (Please let me look cute, weather!)

Sounds like easy going, right?

Ugh, WRONG!!!!

I went out on my 12 mile run last Saturday thinking "so short, only 12 miles" and found myself sorely mistaken. Mostly, I was sore. You see, there's this thing that happens during the taper where your muscles for feel sluggish and like they don't want to move. (My theory is that YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SIX MONTHS. Your body and brain are telling you to quit. And yet we keep going... what is wrong with me?)

I walked a lot, took a lot of breaks, and was this close (picture two fingers super close together) to calling for someone to come pick me up and take me home. And that was at mile 6! How the badoodles am I ever going to run 26.2 miles?!?

Have you ever been so burned out on a job that you nearly burst into tears just from going to work each day? Where the slightest thing will set you off, make you cry, or want to hide in the bathroom? Or you consider calling in sick every single day. This is exactly how I feel about running. I am burned out to such an extent that I can't even keep my emotions in check for 12 miles. 

At the end of my run on Saturday this guy ran by me and started making hand signals. I thought he was another friendly lakeshore runner telling me I'm awesome and to keep going. No, turns out he was correcting my form. Telling me how I was running wrong. No doubt just trying to be helpful, but I was eleven miles into hating myself and I couldn't handle it. I burst into tears AND did this new "nearly asthma" thing that keeps happening when I'm running and crying at the same time. No doubt this guy thought I was crazy, but serves him right for being a helpful jerk. What's he do, stop and tell every single person that he's whizzing past how they're running wrong? Or does he pick one lucky victim each day and Saturday was my day?

Moral of the story: please, only say encouraging things to your fellow athletes. You don't know how much they're loving or hating what they're doing right then, and constructive criticism is not something you should give to strangers. 

Other moral of the story: Don't run a marathon. But if you do..... don't give up two weeks before it happens....

 

(It should be noted that I failed at following my own advice today. I missed my first training run of the week because I prioritized work all day today. I could have gone for a run when I got home... at 10... but I decided not to. Wracked with guilt and shame, I am now suffering the consequences, and wondering if it's possible to laze yourself out of the marathon.)

And Then One Day You Run 20 Miles...

Ay caramba this weekend was rough! My little feeties may never forgive me.

That being said, I ran 20 MILES! (Cue bells, whistles, confetti, ticker tape parade, balloons, fireworks, and other forms of excessive celebration.)

This was, by far, the hardest run I have ever done, which should go without saying. But after completing 18 miles, you logically think "it's only 2 miles more!" This was utter rubbish.

I went into this run scared, and with feet that already hurt.  My shoes are a little tired, and my will is very worn out. My 10 mile run that I did two days before was hard; this was twice as long. I was worried about injury, and nervous about time. I will say that, other than injury, all of these fears were validated and were awful. I wanted to quit, go home, and never run again ever after only five miles.

Super long story short, I did it. I averaged 14:30 a mile, which means I am only 30 seconds per mile under being able to complete the race in time. This is not great, as I'll likely run the last 6.2 even slower. I am scared about completion.

That being said, I have never experienced a feeling quite as strange as what I felt after this run. Other than complete and utter exhaustion and pain, I was also feeling two big thigns at once. Many of you know that I created the extremely useful word, "nervecited" for the moments when you are both nervous and excited (every day of an actor's life). If I were going to name my new feeling it would be this:

"Prumbled - an extreme feeling of pride and accomplishment combined with embarrassment and utter humility at what a mess you are."

I stumbled in after the run and couldn't get the hugs I wanted because I was coated in salt. I sat down immediately and started crying, with a little screaming in pain, as I rolled out the plantar fasciitis in my heels. I literally crawled to the bathroom, and could barely lift my legs high enough to get over the edge of the tub and into the shower. I then showered seated on the floor of the tub because standing is for chumps. There were friends there witnessing most of this. Prumbled.

I now get to taper, or ease down on my distance before the race. I may not even do all my runs. I am so burnt out on this dumb running thing that even though they are shorter distances it is going to be a challenge to get myself to go out daily. I'd really love to quit now, but I can't.

See? Can't quit yet. Three weeks left.

Here's the thing: I know I will be super glad when it's all over that I tried and did it and stuff. If they close the course on me, well I know the route and should be near the end so I'll finish anyway, dammit. But at this point I can't say that I recommend this to anyone. Not even for a bucket list dream. You can raise money for your favorite charity another way. You can get really fit another way. This way pain and destruction lies. However, my parents taught me that when I've made a commitment I have to stick with it through the end of the season, and the season's not over yet. Learned that the hard way with piano lessons too...

One Foot, Then Other. Repeat.

Thinking back on last week it seems like ages ago. There were so many frustrations and seeming setbacks. And then Friday I set out for a run. My schedule said "18 miles." I thought, "Well, there's no way I'll get that far since the furthest I've run is just under 14, but I'm going to go as far as I can."

And 18 miles later I wobbled up to my front door on shaky limbs, having run the entire thing with no rests.  Yes, I had to stop once to fill up my water bottle, but even that was a victory since during my 16 mile disaster I couldn't stop running at all without my knee locking up. 

Things that got me there:

• My PT exercises. I've been very diligent about them and they are definitely helping. I really feel it if I miss a day (which has only happened once), and I can definitely feel my glutes and other things participating on my runs in ways they haven't before.
• My core. I've been really concentrating on engaging it during my runs (Which is super hard. 18 miles was about 3 hours and 40 minutes. You try tightening your abs for that long!)
• Screaming at the wind. I ran along the lakeshore and when I turned back I discovered that I had an extreme headwind shoving me around. For three miles that sucker made it so difficult that I was running as hard as I could, but only moving at walking speed. Yelling at it for being a jerk didn't make me go any faster, but it did make me feel better.
• Focusing on running form. As I understand it ladies have a tendency to learn forward more when we run, which is not good for us. Leaning back a little and dropping my arms slightly helps the rest of me stay loose (and makes it easier to engage those abs). If I'm doing all those things my knees don't hurt so much.

Most of these things help me to use muscles instead of my IT band, which runners start to use when their legs get tired and the rest of them is lazy. So I did it! I ran 18 miles! I only have one more big run before the race, and then everything else gets easier. I will try for 20 miles this Saturday, but I'm not going to push it. If anything feels uncomfortable or wrong I will forgo 20, knowing that I've done 18, and preferring to come into race day healthy without my 20 miler than hurt myself in the process.

I alternate between moments of sheer pride and confidence, and absolute panic. I am petrified that I will somehow injure myself in this last month and kill my chances of running, or that I'll hurt myself during the race and not be able to finish. I know these are anxiety driven, unlikely scenarios, but I just don't trust myself or my luck at this point. These last few weeks seem incredibly long...

I feel like this guy... but not as bulge-y and shiny.

Progress is Progress.....

I have a new motto this week: 

Physical therapy last week went pretty well, and I was told my IT band is the problem. It runs from your hip to your knee on the outside of your leg, and when you run long distances it starts to overcompensate as your hammies, quads, and calves get tired. It's a very common runner problem. So I was given more exercises and told not to run for the ambiguous "a couple of days."

I rested Friday, did my ab workout Saturday, and rested Sunday. I diligently did allll of my PT exercises (I am now up to an hour and a half of PT each day).

Today I went out to run, hoping but I guess not expecting to get in my 16 mile run. My knee started to twinge a little around mile 2, but by adjusting my form (standing straighter and engaging my abs/glutes) and breathing I was able to run through the twinges without much to do. I thought "Gee, this is going quite well actually. Last Wednesday I couldn't get past 3 miles! I'm going to do as much as I can."

Kept breathing. Kept focusing on squeezing my abs and my glutes, and was chugging along at a slow 12-12 min 30 sec mile. Sufficient for where I am, a big improvement from last week.

Then I stopped to get a drink of water. HUGE mistake. I couldn't start running again without a lot of pain in my knee, no matter how much I squeezed all the other muscles that should be doing the work. Except things had been going so well, so now I'm down at Navy Freaking Pier and not able to run. I made it 7.5 miles before I had to stop, and I am trying to convince myself that, from the 3 miles I was able to run last Wed that is a good improvement. But I'm at Navy Freaking Pier. No bus pass. No bike. Just my little drumsticks to get me home. 

So I walked. And walked. And kept walking and walked all the way home. The entire endeavor took 4 hours, 10 minutes, and 31 seconds. I mean.... really. Because I had to walk, I was out in the sun for a lot longer than I expected and I hadn't put on sunscreen. In addition, the lakeshore trail was really dirty and dusty today, so I came back an absolute mess. Sunburned, looking like I'd rolled on the ground, and tear stained because I am so frustrated with this process that I just don't want to do it anymore. Seriously, look at this picture:

"Are you wearing flesh colored leggings, Kel?" "NO, that's my leg!!!"

This is what it looked like before I showered, and they're not much different now. I'm a lobster. A gimpy, grumpy lobster.

The minute positive is that I averaged a 15:37 second mile on this stupid journey, even when walking the last 8.5 miles. You have to run a 15 minute mile to complete the marathon, so if I'm just able to run for another mile or so I would have been allowed to finish. Thinnest silver lining ever, but it's there.

My strategy from this point onward is still strategically placed core days (because it's really important for me right now), rest days if I have to, and small runs during the week (I'm still not back to the actual training schedule). I will diligently perform my hour and a half of physical therapy every day from here until the 'thon. Hopefully this will get me better enough to stumble through the race.

Seriously folks, I'm so fed up with this I almost want to throw my hands up in the air, just cross train for the last month, turn up at the race and roll the dice. Seems better than a limpy 8.5 mile walk where people are afraid of you because you're sweaty, red faced, and crying.

Yeah. Kind of like that.

Back to the Therapist, Jiggity Jig

Every time I think I've got my head above water, something goes screwy.

This week it was the 14 mile run I did. My foot was feeling good, I'd done ten milers successfully, and I was ready and excited to do my first half marathon. I walked out the door full of energy and anticipation, and it started to rain.

"Who cares!" said I, "It's Half Marathon Day!!!"

Remember how sad I was the week that everyone else got to toddle off on their half and I had to watch? Well I was finally going to do it! I started off at a great pace, ran all the way from Fullerton down to the Aquarium, and turned around without a hitch. Feeling good, even on this soggy day! By mile 8, I was sodden. By mile 9 my shoes were squishy and I finally had to stop for some water. (I don't know how the rest of you runners feel, but the later in the game I can stop, the better. Once I stop moving I want to stay stopped, and I want to stop more and more frequently after that. Objects in motion, blah blah blah Newton.)

So 9-11 were a struggle, but that's about where I should be running into that feeling, since my 10 milers were going well. Here's where things went bad. I am not positive, but my theory is that since my shoes were soaked through the cushioning was not working properly anymore. Maybe not, maybe this would have happened anyway, but the outside of my left knee started to hurt. So badly that by the end of the "run" any downhill slope, regardless of how small the grade, I had to walk. I walked a lot of the last 4 miles actually. I think I probably ran the half, but that 14th mile.... yeesh.

And then I got home and looked at myself. Bedraggled. Chaffed all over my arms and upper torso because my clothes were soaked. Cuts on the back of my heels because who knows why (probably my feet/shoes/socks were soaked). Both knees hurting. I was a wounded warrior that day.

I gave it a couple of days, figuring if my knees hurt doing stairs, I probably shouldn't run. Yesterday I took my baby-friend for a run (well, she slept. I trudged and tried not to feel my knee) and today I set out on what should have been a 10 miler, only to turn around at 1.5 and finishing at 3 miles. My left knee just won't let me do a whole mile without hurting.

So here I am, bordering on injured, and with another physical therapy screening on Friday. I hope and pray that I'll be able to do my 16 miles on Saturday because I'm already playing catch up, and I only have a month and 9 days until race day. 

My feelings about it at this point: frustrated as all get out. Just let me run! I did it so well for four months, why can't I anymore? I definitely believe that I am not built for running, that there is such a thing and it is not me. I am also so annoyed that at this point I feel like even if I drag myself to the start line and half to crawl the whole thing, I am doing that stupid race. The end.

 

A Reminder...

It's been two weeks since my last post, for which I apologize, but I've still been working, I promise. 

This has been, by far, the hardest two weeks of training. I've felt ill while running, and it seems like I hit the wall just after I step out my front door. 

I find myself frustrated by my lessened abilities. I was a rock star runner a month and a half ago, doing far better than I ever expected and it felt great. Hard work, effort, and dedication had really paid off. I was so proud.

Flash forward to today, when I ran 10 miles and I thought I wasn't going to make it home. "Ran 10 miles" isn't really an accurate statement, either. I went ten miles, but I have never stopped, walked, and gasped for air so much. I probably ran 9. Probably.

Now, it was 90 degrees. But the last two weeks have been filled with runs that are so far from "fun" I can't even believe I was sort of enjoying this at one point. My training schedule is screwy because I'm making up for lost time, my confidence is blown, and I was actually near tears while running today (not really that hard, I now understand why people on The Biggest Loser cry all the time).

So what am I doing to make myself feel better?* I came home and watched several Team World Vision videos to remind me of all the good I am doing by running. The good stuff that's not just for me. This is the video I watched to remember exactly why this charity is so necessary. And here's a little video from World Vision Australia with Hugh Jackman in it. I like being on the same team as Wolverine! President Clinton and daughter Chelsea are on board too, partnering with World Vision and Proctor and Gamble to give water purification packets to people to make this water safe:
 

This is Confiance. She has to travel 30 minutes each way to
be rewarded with this filthy water.

The packets, distributed by TWV, help turn the murky green water from this borehole to this:

Confiance is on the right, and much happier now!

 I'm pretty convinced that people run with charities so that on days they want to kill themselves for choosing to run a marathon, they will realize that it is a good decision, you are doing something to make the world a better place, and those things are far more important than the fact that your legs want to fall off. I am so proud to work with an organization that provides "sustainable sources of clean drinking water" by working with "protected springs, boreholes," clean water wells, and rain capture systems. This fantastic charity "is now providing clean drinking water to a new person every 30 seconds." If you'd like to read more about Confiance and the Clintons' visit you can find the full post here.

So please, help me convince my legs and feet that their pain is worth these people's gain. Donate to my fund here and help children like Confiance gain access to safe, clean water for their whole lives.

*Note: I also ordered a big Giordano's deep dish pizza to make myself feel better. One of these coping mechanisms was super healthy. (The other was super tasty.)

Out for a Month, In for a Weekend

Ever wonder if someone could take an entire month off of marathon training and still do the race? Well folks, we are about to find out. My 10 mile run was on July 10th, and my first real run back was on August 9th. 

An update: I did my PT exercises diligently last week. They hurt oh so bad but made me feel so much better. I continued to ride my bike (talk about saddle sore. Yeesh!) and do my ab workouts (back to level 3 by August... made one goal at least!). One of my extremely long bike rides took me from Lawrence toward downtown:

How bout that skyline, eh?

And even further south, to the other side of downtown (by the aquarium). 

That black building that stands on it's own off to the right? Same as the black building that stands on it's own at the left of the other picture. I went faaar.

On Friday I went on my test run. My wonderful friend Janell went with me to keep me company and support my nerves. And I did it! It felt a little tight at moments, but I had no pain in the heel at all. What a relief!

The next day I was eager to go again, and my boyfriend ran circles around me (I am not joking). I was slow as a snail, but still no pain. 
 
Because I'm a little late on this week's post I'll update you all the way. Monday I got to do five miles at an increased interval. How exciting! The next day went something like this:

 Me: How are you feet?
 Feet: We're swell, thank you for asking!
 Me: Excellent, everything's fine and groovy the--OHMYGOSH THE PAIN!
 Thighs: We thought you quit the marathon! We don't like yooooouuuu!!!!

So cross training is great, and sooo important.... but your muscles will definitely be different. I took 2 days off running and hit the PT hard on Tuesday and today, and I get to go on a five mile RUN run tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be back in order. (Although I'm sure my thighs will continue to threaten a coup the day after.)

I'll be honest: I'm a little nervous that the rug is going to get yanked out from under me and it's all going to hurt very badly again and I won't be able to do my 'thon. After living with the pain of retail feet for years, and the tendinopathy for a month, this near pain free feeling that I'm having seems too good to be true. I don't trust it. But I'm going to keep doing exactly what the PT says and hope for the best. Because hope is awesome.

And here's a flower that I meant to post ages ago, forgot about, and then found on my phone today. Because it's hopeful!!

Physical Therapy: More Painful Than Your Injury

I am currently entering week four of non running training. I've been biking so much I may have bruised my tailbone, and swimming everyday that it's warm enough to go into the lake. And while I love swimming, and biking is fun, eep, that's scary. I mean, I will have been out for a month of marathon training. Can you do that? It seems like you maybe can.

The series of events: Saturday I woke up super early to do a photo shoot for my running group. I was torn. When we first talked about it I said yes, because surely I'd be back by August 3rd! Right? Wrong. It was extra painful for me because I knew I was awfully close to recovered, and everyone else was jumping out of their boots with excitement. It was half marathon day. I was left behind, literally, as they all went off with a spring in their step (at least at first) to run half of what they'll run on Oct 13th. Everyone seemed so healthy.

But during the shoot I got to talk to my team captain. I haven't had a lot of one on one interaction with him, because it's a big group, and he's a busy guy. But he gave me some really excellent advice. Apparently there are some physical therapists who will do free screenings with people like me who are running a 'thon. He also said the longest his girlfriend ran before the race last year was 13 miles, but she was able to finish. It is better to be healthy and undertrained than mildly hurting or overtrained. Of course it is even better to be healthy and properly trained, and while I am super jealous of my other n00b friends who have been able to do that, I have not. Physical limitations are stupid.

Long story short, I went to a PT yesterday. He explained a bunch of things about my feet that all made me predisposed for this injury, including the way years of retail and being required by management to wear shoes that put looks before your well being have really screwed up my feet (plantar fasciitis, anyone?). And then he gave me a list of exercises that sounded super easy and short, and one more week to heal on my own. On Friday I do a test walk/run (basically intervals... basically starting at the beginning of training...) to see how it goes. If it hasn't healed up by then, he wants to send me to a sports doctor to accelerate the process. C'mon healin on my own!

So for the moment, this is my gym:

They may look innocent, but they are actually devices of fear and pain!

 And while I still felt pretty fit and strong, the stupid muscles that I am supposed to work with these were on fire last night. It was a higher pain level than my foot has been for the last two weeks, so it seemed unfair. But when I woke up this morning, for the first time in years I took my first few steps out of bed with no pain. Take that retail! 

My list of homework. I hate this homework!

So, armed with medieval torture methods, new shoes, rest, and ice, I am in full recovery mode. In one week I will let you know if the magic has cured me, or not. If you want to know more about achilles tendinopathy, there is a lot of great info here. Incidentally, that list of risk factors? I had seven of them... plus the plantar fasciitis that isn't on there. Huzzah!  

(Healing thoughts and juju are appreciated as well. We are in an all methods go situation here. Code Orange people, Code Orange!)

Recovery, Week Two: Less Exciting than Boring.

This week I am conflicted. 

Part of me feels as if I am failing utterly, and the other part of me feels like things are going fine. So I'll separate the good from the bad and try and keep it in perspective.

The Good: 

• There was an amazing outpouring of love after my post last week. People texted, emailed, left comments, and even shared short stories to give me encouragement and let me know that I was not alone. It was lovely to hear from some fellow runners about injuries and challenges they went through during training, and helped me see that it is not all about the running.
• My tendon is getting better, slowly. I now have virtually no pain during everyday movement, and only mild pain during the short, 1 mile run I took on Saturday to test it out.
•  I raised $140 in my "10 Person Challenge!" That is nearly enough money to give three people water for their entire life. I would like to thank Jenny and Casey, Laura, Alaina, and David for their generosity and encouragement this week. And thank you again to the people who donated last week during this challenge. Your kindness warms my soul!

Thank you, donors. I hope you feel this way too.

The Bad: 

• I am still very discouraged, and nervous that I will not be able to do the marathon becuase my stupid body is stupid. I have started to say things like "If I get to run it" and "if I get to start training again" rather than "when." Last week I was so frustrated that I took 3 days off. Ultimately the rest was probably good for my leg, but it was because I was cranky, not because I was being smart.
• I do not feel like a runner anymore. While I had been feeling so accomplished and like I was truly an athlete, I am now feeling the opposite: incapable and debilitated. It makes me feel sad.
• I actually missed my goal on the "10 Person Challenge" by one person. I had nine lovely heros. Nothing to be done about that. (Pssst... you can still donate in the "my pages" section under Kel's Marathon Mission!)
• Although it is getting better, I am very frustrated with the pace that I am recovering, and feel like I am falling behind. I am not sure how much I should be doing, or how to jump back in when (if) I am capable again. I have decided not to start running again until I am virtually pain free, but I am scared that it could be months.

The Ugly:

• This will be the third week in a row that I am out of actual training. Although I am biking, doing my ab workouts, and swimming when it is warm enough, it does not feel like training, and I feel like I have failed. 

One of my friends said to me last week that we charity runners "break ourselves so that they may live." This is a lovely sentiment, and somewhat true, but I never wanted to break myself. I was also, selfishly, doing this more for myself than for my charity. I'm not sure if the Universe is telling me to switch my perspective or what. Again I'll say, "Maybe next week." 

But my injury does have an expiration date, right Nike?

(It should be noted that the other areas of my life are, thankfully, going very well. I love my job, I have met wonderful people this year, and have some amazing tried and true friends. But this is my running blog so I am telling that story, and if I sound sad I just wanted you to know that I have great joy elsewhere.)

This Post Was Brought To You Today....

This post was brought to you today by the letter D and the number 7. D for the word of the week: discouraged, and 7 for the number of days I have been that way.

Discouraged Bear says "Bears can be discouraged too!"

I'll be honest. As I was writing the last post, where I talked about all my specatcular achievements I already knew this was coming. I began to notice it on Sunday, before the 5k, and felt a little pain while running the race. I went out Tuesday thinking "well, yesterday my Achilles tendon hurt a little, but I'm going to do my run today and take it really easy..." 

Really easy was not enough. It was a very painful run, and when I got home I knew I couldn't do that again anytime soon. Thank goodness it was a cutback week, meaning we got a bit of break in mileage because we'd come so far. I also new it was time for new shoes (bye bye paycheck). So the next day the only running I did was on the treadmill at a specialty running store as I tested out some new kicks. At the suggestion of the sales associate, who is also an avid runner, I have been mostly swimming and biking since then. And of course, I've been icing it since I learned of the issue.

In an attempt to feel less lazy, I did what I call a combo package on Saturday: 12 miles on the bike and what I think was about a 30 minute swim in the lake. I did feel less lazy, but man did it take a long time. I was able to complete my ab DVD yesterday, and did a torpid 3 mile run today with a small but persistent amount of pain. However, the rest and icing has brought the swelling down, and I have very little pain during the day when I'm walking and working.

All this has really scared me. I finally admitted it to myself over the weekend, and I spoke the words out loud on the phone tonight, surprised to find myself near tears. I'm no longer 100% sure that I will be able to complete the marathon. Up to this point I have really thought that nothing would stop me from crossing the finish line, even if I crawled it, but my faith has been shaken. I am frustrated by the fact that no amount of determination and pluck can get me through it if my body won't do it. And so I'm frightened that my big goal might not happen.

I'm also disappointed about the fundraising challenge I set myself. I have amazing friends and co-workers and five all-stars donated this week, surprising and delighting me. I am enormously grateful for them and for the $50 we raised (that's enough to give one person clean water for their whole life! What an awesome thing we've done!). But the goal was 10 people, and I only made it halfway. 

And that's how I feel about that.

Nothing to be done about that but thank Lizzie, Juan, Kate, Leah, and Janell for giving their hard earned dollars, and to try and get 5 more this week. Lizzie, Juan, Kate, and Leah, you will be in my mental list of supporters during mile six of the marathon, and Janell you are my first person to push me through big mile seven! I will be so happy to be thinking of you all on race day. Folks, the challenge is still going. Even though I didn't make it in the week I hoped for, I'm still going for those 10 donations! Let's make this week the week.

So maybe this was mopey, or had no moral, but this is how I'm feeling right now. I just needed a little moment to share my setbacks with you. I'm encouraged that I'm feeling a little better, and I will continue to convalesce this week as I take it easy. We'll see how it goes...

 

In Which It Was A Doozy (3 Times)

This week I ran 10 miles. Double digits baybeee!!!! It was a gorgeous, sunny Chicago morning. Slightly warm, but not too hot. The city looked beautiful, the lake was calm and shiny, and everybody was in a good mood. Yay! This was also my first week back to running group after two weeks on my own (because getting up at 6 am is haaarrd). Along the way I saw a boat named Perseverance II and we passed under Solidarity Drive. Clearly, all were symbols of our (read: my) awesomeness. I definitely benefitted from running with new friends and chatting along the way. They benefitted because they made me pacer, which was a bad idea. I made them run some miles too fast, because I am a bad pacer, or because I am a good motivator. You choose which.

In honor of my 10 mile success I have set myself a lofty goal for this week: To get ten people to donate to my marathon fund. I've been daunted lately by the huge dollar signs I am supposed to raise, so I thought "Why not break it down like I do my training?" Folks, this is totally doable, and the best part is it can be 10 people donating $1 each, or any other amount. I know, I know, this is how your bank account might feel after you donate:

It's how I felt after my 10 miles, too!

But I promise, this is how you will feel inside after you donate money that helps people get clean water:

.

So proud you might even eat a banana!

I know, because that's how I feel after I run and fundraise to get people clean water! Click the link in my pages section, or just go here!

The other thing I did this week was run my first race! That's right! The Burger and Beer 5k, which I ran with my best running buddy (also one of my accountabilibuddies), Vashti! Technically we did not run this with one another as she was going for a super speedy time. But we waved at eachother at the halfway point!

This run supported the Special Olympics, which was really cool and a cause that my parents are very fond of. They have volunteered at the Special Olympics and have awesome stories about getting hugs from the participants at finish lines, etc. This time the S.O. participants were giving me water, so it felt very full circle and smiley.

I was not planning on running any races before the marathon, and certainly not any 5ks. I mean, I do 3 miles two times a week, and my other runs are longer than that, so they're not really an "event" for me anymore. Here's why I'm glad I did it: 

• It was really cool to see so many fitness levels working hard in the same place. There were 60 year old men out there beating everyone, 12 year olds who are faster than me, and people who just hoped to run the whole race.  It gave me a lot of perspective in how far I've come and how far I could (read: will) go.
• I'm really glad I participated in a race before the 'thon. It's really different from running on your own. I found it very difficult to know how fast I was going because I was in an entirely new environment. You're so surrounded by people that it is difficult to find any stationary objects to gauge your pace off of.
• I now know what it feels like to run with so many people, and try to compete with myself instead of them. I feel a little more prepared for race day. Yay prep and research!
• I got a beer and burger at the end.  

The super secret twist ending is that because I had so much trouble with my pace (aka I like to pass people, and I actually could!) that I ran the whole thing at an 8.23 minute mile. That means I beat my pace group, and went waaay faster than I expected to go. It also means that if I do the same thing at the actual 'thon I'll poop out after 3 miles. Lesson hopefully learned. Hopefully.

And here we are! Post race (hence the crazy eyes and sweat) but pre burger and beer reward. 

We went fast!

So there you have it! Running my first double digits, and an actual 5k. Pretty big 3 days. Think how much more awesome this week will be if I can just get to my 10 people! A big huzzah to Lizzy and Juan who made donations one and two to start me off right. Thank you!!!! Let's keep it up!


Edit: Official Race results!

I came in at 25:26, meaning I actually ran an 8:13 min mile. 
I came in 30th in my female age bracket.
I came in 345th overall. 
As far as I can tell, there were 1,230 participants and 194 in my age bracket. 
I will let those numbers speak for themselves.

In Which I run a 10K and a 5K (& Make Firefly References)

Hello again, dear friends!

Many of you will remember from this post that last week went swimmingly. I felt like I'd finally gotten this running thing down and understood why everyone likes it so much. This week... not so much. 

As expected, it was much harder. Without increasing any distances, I felt like death and my legs were too tired too move. (More on this in a minute).

The good news:

• I missed my running group from having too much fun on the weekends (sometimes you need to sleep past 6 am on a Saturday) and had to go on my own. I did a 10K, and folks, I really surprised myself. When I go with my team I run in the recommended "11:30 mile" group, but it has felt a teensy bit slow to me. So on Saturday I just went out the door and attempted to set a steady pace. It was hard, and I had to push myself to keep it up, but I ran a 9:38 minute mile. To use an exceedingly British phrase, I was well chuffed.
•  Today I ran my 5K "test run" to see how I'm progressing. These are my results the first time. Today, according to the website I use (which I still don't believe because it doesn't seem possible) I ran a 9.05 minute mile. Shut the front door! How, when I felt like molasses? Sore, tired molasses. 
• This means that I've moved up to the next bracket in the training chart, so I should now train with the 11 minute group. That's up 2 groups from my initial 12 minute mile! And I'm projected to finish the 'thon a half hour sooner! Shiny!!

On the bad side, my legs have been feeling really fatigued. This from a combination of the fact that I'm training for a marathon, have a pretty active job, and am having all the funs (and none of the sleeps) the weekends. I need to figure out a way to continue doing all these things, but get more rest in. It can be done! I just need to manage it better.
And on my run today:

Actually, two. And felt pretty much the same way River does about it.

All in all it was a fabulous week, but the running physically hurt. I ran through my first side cramp which started at mile one of the 10k and it stuck around til the end. I had another side crampy friend today, which I didn't appreciate. Despite these setbacks, I am so proud of myself, and I know it will continue to get better. I am in a "Go Me!" kind of mood, which seems an excellent place to end this post. (Although I hesitate to say it, I feel like a leaf on the wind.)

In which there is Hockey!!!!! (And Running)

It's week 10! We're in the double digits, folks! I can't even believe that I have been running for ten weeks. (Does this mean I have to stop telling people I'm new to this? I'm voting for no.)

I had a really easy running week last week. My times weren't always as good as they had been, but I was running in 80 degree heat after a full day leading theatre camp, and I felt great. Makes for a boring blog post, right? 

But then the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup. 

Look at it! So pretty and shiny!

 Seems somewhat unrelated, right? But over the several months that I was introduced to hockey, I watched and learned. I saw the Blackhawks play really poorly. So poorly that in the playoffs I thought "Gee, Detroit deserves this more than the Hawks do." But the one thing the Blackhawks always, always, always, did was play with heart. They had a goal, and many smaller goals leading up to it. We have to win this game, we have to win this series, and then we have to win the Cup. And their sheer determination and the effort that they put into training and playing, even when they were not playing at their best, allowed them to beat teams that were in many technical ways, playing better. 

Now before all my Hawks friends stop reading and hate me forever, let me say that this is why I admire Chicago's team so much. Running isn't easy every day. It was easy last week, but it was terrible today. Just like me, these toothless, banged up men have moments where they are tired, behind, and probably want to just quit playing. But also like me, they know that giving it their best in that moment will be enough get them through to the next moment, and the next, and the next. Working in that way, they eventually reached their ultimate goal. And Chicago went wild.

Michael Jordan said "If you put in the work, the results will come." (You can tell I really love my hometown players.) I really believe that this idea is the foundation for the work that every professional athlete does, but it works in your life too. Do the work. Put in the time on hard days and easy days, and you will reach your goal. That is what's going to get me across the finish line in October.

Oh, and I'll also be smiling about this:

My view of the win from a bar in Bucktown. Congratulations, Hawks!

 

Tricks and Tips

Hidee ho, friends! Last week was my first week of "official" training. That means two regular runs, one day a really hard run, and another long run. Plus cross training. This week was a doozy, but I've developed some tricks and tips for anyone who wants to know "how you do it."

1) Make a list of things you like about it! Stop focusing on the negatives (It's hot! It dehydrates me! It makes my feet hurt!) and stop to appreciate the things that are great about it. Mine include that it gets me closer to nature (in Chicago! That's hard!) and helps me to explore my neighborhood and my city.

2) Change it up! Change your route, which helps with exploring your neighborhood from the previous tip, and your types of runs too. Our hard runs mean we can pick a hilly course, run all out, do sprints with breaks, or "fartlek" which are intervals of harder and slower running. On cross training days I alternate between activities  that I really love, like bike riding and circuit training, and swimming. Then my cross training days are like rewards! Changes keep you from getting bored or noticing that you're miserable (and keep your body changing too).

3) Find a buddy! I employ this in several ways. I have a friend who I call my "accountabilibuddy." She doesn't live in this city, but we both try to be fit and healthy. If I really don't want to do a workout, I'll call or text, and she'll remind me what I'll gain from it. (Self esteem, strength, being able to RUN A MARATHON). I have another friend here who goes on runs and bike rides with me. And the more I talk about this experience, the more I meet and discover new people that are willing to be running buddies. It's great!

4) Make it social! This sounds similar to the last one, but our charity does long runs together on Saturday. Yes, it helps with accountability and motivation, but the best part about this is that you meet new people and get to have brunch afterwards. Joining a running/fitness club can be more than just fitness!

5) Set goals! It doesn't have to be running a marathon, even just a number of workouts per week or per month can be really motivational. Before I started marathon training I would give myself a monthly workout goal, and then every time I hit it I would buy myself a little treat. No, not a food treat! Something unnecessary that I really wanted and made me feel nice, like a new Wonder Woman comic, a dress, or something nice for my apartment. Patting yourself on the back is encouraged when you meet these goals. Well done, you!

6) Play leap frog! This is a little trick I use when I'm running and I want to quit way before my stopping point. I set a really close primary goal, one that I can practically see, and a slightly further off secondary goal. I tell myself I really can quit when I get to the secondary goal. But when I meet my primary goal I set a new goal, a little ways past the secondary goal. See where this is going? Then I leap frog my goals, always having one just out of reach, until I finish my workout. I'm tricksy! 

7) Workout for a charity! Whether it's a clothing or food drive for your local shelter, a walk-a-thon, or running a marathon for charity, this one feels really amazing. It ties back into accountability, but is sort of like patting yourself on the back at the same time. I know I am running for people other than just myself. I am working really hard to bring water, something that many of us Americans take for granted, to people who need it. Any action like this will exponentially increase your feelings of success about a workout program. (Remember, go to my "Pages" section and click on the link to donate!)

8) Get inspired! At our group run this week one of the team leaders who had just been to Africa to see the work World Vision was doing told some stories about his experiences. They had installed a rain filtration system to catch and clean rainfall at a school, and attendance doubled. These students no longer had to spend time during the day to get water, or worry about bringing it from home. They were able to focus on education, which is another thing I take for granted. This story really touched and inspired me. It motivated me to work harder, but was lovely to hear about people who wanted to learn when given the opportunity.

There you go folks! These work really well for me, I hope you'll try them. Feeling inspired or have your own tips and tricks? Share them in the comment section! Let's have a tip swap!

The "Post Pre-Training" Post

Well folks, I ended pre-training as I began it. In the rain. The cold, horrible, wet rain. But it was neat to see myself dive out there and run (that's right, run) a 5k. Technically I did a little extra. 3.4 miles with no stopping, no walking, no slowing down. (Ok... maybe some slowing down.) I am immensely proud of myself. Here is what this experience showed me:

1) It's almost 2 months later, and I'm still running! How bout that!

2) I ran 3.1 miles in 30.33 minutes. Based on this time I am projected to finish the marathon in 4 hours 47 minutes - 5 hours 6 minutes. (That's a goal race pace of roughly an 11 minute mile.)

3) I should train in the 12 minute mile pace group for group runs.

4) Um, I freaking DID it!

Here's what I'm really proud of: the pace group suggested is the first group on the list that does not run intervals. I am incredibly proud of that. I did just start running, after all. I ran the whole thing, and I ran my 3 miles today. And I will only get better at this. We do 5k "test runs" throughout training to check in and calculate our progress. I feel I started very well, and can't wait to see my improvement next time.

Here's what I'm discouraged about: 4 hours 47 minutes to 5 hours 6 minutes. I have to run for five hours. I mean... I don't think I can. When I think about running a marathon I think "yeah, I can do that!" When I think about running for FIVE HOURS!? No way. Absolutely not. Impossible. 

I'm trying to remind myself that first of all, they told us to run all out as fast as we could for the 5k. Since this was my first time running without intervals, I did not do that. I took my normal pace to make sure I didn't burn out. I know I could have done it faster. 

In addition, I still have five more months of training. My test runs will improve. My endurance will improve. My everything will improve. Which means my goal pace and projected time should both get smaller. So maybe (please oh please) it won't be five hours of running. 

A couple of lovely things happened this week to keep me going. I finally ran far enough south (and east) on the lake shore trail to see this view:

No, not the guy fishing! The downtown skyscrapers and Navy Pier on the far left!

I know that the perfect blueness of the sky and water have been washed out (seriously, iPod Touch, it looks like it's been instagrammed already. What gives?), and the buildings look much smaller in the photo than they did in real life (just like mountains, you can never quite capture them right) but this was pretty impressive. It was my first view of downtown as a runner. The view all the athletes in films about Chicago see as they stride gloriously in all types of weather. This view, combined with a trip back home to Nebraska where I ran in gorgeous weather (except for 5k day) made this week an enjoyable running week.

I would also like to say Happy Birthday to my Mom. Thank you for raising me, birthing me, letting me visit and all that stuff, but guys, she followed Gabby's lead! She donated her birthday money to my fund as well, claiming both miles 5 and 6 (seems like a good time to get a boost from your mom). Thanks Mom! You're the best! I'm starting to feel on a roll with this fundraising, as we've already helped six people get fresh clean water for their whole lives. Thank you all for your help and support. Let's keep the ball rolling and the water flowing! 

Sometimes It's Hard To Plan

Here we are folks, Week 7, the penultimate week of pre-training. I should be feeling like a rock star, doing a 60 minute run (guys... that means an hour. AN HOUR!) and feeling groovy. 

I bet you can sense where this is going. I am not feeling groovy or rocking it out. This week was a miserable failure. Here's why:

As many of you know I worked for a popular retailer that we'll call the Plantain Democracy, whose mascot is an elephant. I love getting people all gussied up and showing them trends and what not, but I don't like pushy salesmanship, terrible pay, or stupid hours. And this week I worked *stupid* hours. I also got to quit my job at Plantain Democracy, and spend the weekend working a street festival for my new job. New job = better pay, working as a teaching artist, playing/learning with children about theatre and life. Oh, and regular hours. Jackpot, right?

Eee, except here's the way the two schedules worked together:

Monday: Day off (rest up, my friend, you're in for it later)
Tuesday: 6 am - 3 pm (Ugh, what?)
Wednesday: 11-4  (Normal, but followed by a ribbon cutting ceremony for the New Job and a birthday party.)
Thursday: 6 am - 3 pm (Double ughs in one week? Ugh!)
Friday: 4:45 - 10 pm (Last day! Not bad right? But look at tomorrow...)
Saturday:  Street Fest! 8:30 - 7
Sunday: Street Fest! 9:30 - 8

What a beast. I had the best intentions, started off Monday right with a 40 minute run, leveling up in my intervals and that went pretty well. Tuesday, I was going to skip my walk, go next door and get a slice of pizza (oh no, Kel, don't do it!). I didn't! For some reason my tired feet kept right on walkin' and I boogied around the block a couple times for my walk. I'm doing it guys, I'm doing it!

And then Wednesday happened, and I couldn't get out of bed. And then Thursday happened, and I meant to take a nap after my monster shift and then go for a run around 7. Instead I slept from 4 pm to EIGHT A.M. Right on through. I did manage my run on Friday, and had the foresight to make it my long run. So I ran twice this week. Once for 40 minutes and once for 60 minutes. 

Saturday and Sunday weren't as trying as I thought they'd be. I didn't run, because they looked like stupid long days. But we got out early both nights, and I did a total of 60 minutes of "dance party" time with the kids each day. So I got a hefty amount of cardio in. (I even tricked the kids into doing high knees and jumping jacks, 'cause they don't know they're not dance moves! Buahahahahaha!)

I don't feel great about how it went. I could have tried harder, scheduled better, or gone home instead of being social. When I agreed to this whole shenanigan I thought the difficulty would be the running and the more running and oh wow we're still running. But it is turning out that scheduling it in has been the most difficult aspect.

The New Job will be awesome, because it has set hours and I can have a routine. (And for a lot of other reasons, but this blog isn't about that!) It will get easier from here on out. Your take-away this week?  Discouraging weeks happen, we all fall off the fitness wagon (or whatever wagon you're goals have you riding). But wagons don't go very fast! If you run and climb up, you can get right back on. 

And if the wagon seems really far away, here's a little reminder from our graffiti artist friend:

This week's big shout out goes to the wonderful Chris for her donation to my marathon fund! I am now fully sponsored for mile four, and I love having her on my team! (She's been on my team since I was little. It's great!) Who's going to get me through mile five?