Physical Therapy: More Painful Than Your Injury

I am currently entering week four of non running training. I've been biking so much I may have bruised my tailbone, and swimming everyday that it's warm enough to go into the lake. And while I love swimming, and biking is fun, eep, that's scary. I mean, I will have been out for a month of marathon training. Can you do that? It seems like you maybe can.

The series of events: Saturday I woke up super early to do a photo shoot for my running group. I was torn. When we first talked about it I said yes, because surely I'd be back by August 3rd! Right? Wrong. It was extra painful for me because I knew I was awfully close to recovered, and everyone else was jumping out of their boots with excitement. It was half marathon day. I was left behind, literally, as they all went off with a spring in their step (at least at first) to run half of what they'll run on Oct 13th. Everyone seemed so healthy.

But during the shoot I got to talk to my team captain. I haven't had a lot of one on one interaction with him, because it's a big group, and he's a busy guy. But he gave me some really excellent advice. Apparently there are some physical therapists who will do free screenings with people like me who are running a 'thon. He also said the longest his girlfriend ran before the race last year was 13 miles, but she was able to finish. It is better to be healthy and undertrained than mildly hurting or overtrained. Of course it is even better to be healthy and properly trained, and while I am super jealous of my other n00b friends who have been able to do that, I have not. Physical limitations are stupid.

Long story short, I went to a PT yesterday. He explained a bunch of things about my feet that all made me predisposed for this injury, including the way years of retail and being required by management to wear shoes that put looks before your well being have really screwed up my feet (plantar fasciitis, anyone?). And then he gave me a list of exercises that sounded super easy and short, and one more week to heal on my own. On Friday I do a test walk/run (basically intervals... basically starting at the beginning of training...) to see how it goes. If it hasn't healed up by then, he wants to send me to a sports doctor to accelerate the process. C'mon healin on my own!

So for the moment, this is my gym:

They may look innocent, but they are actually devices of fear and pain!

 And while I still felt pretty fit and strong, the stupid muscles that I am supposed to work with these were on fire last night. It was a higher pain level than my foot has been for the last two weeks, so it seemed unfair. But when I woke up this morning, for the first time in years I took my first few steps out of bed with no pain. Take that retail! 

My list of homework. I hate this homework!

So, armed with medieval torture methods, new shoes, rest, and ice, I am in full recovery mode. In one week I will let you know if the magic has cured me, or not. If you want to know more about achilles tendinopathy, there is a lot of great info here. Incidentally, that list of risk factors? I had seven of them... plus the plantar fasciitis that isn't on there. Huzzah!  

(Healing thoughts and juju are appreciated as well. We are in an all methods go situation here. Code Orange people, Code Orange!)

Recovery, Week Two: Less Exciting than Boring.

This week I am conflicted. 

Part of me feels as if I am failing utterly, and the other part of me feels like things are going fine. So I'll separate the good from the bad and try and keep it in perspective.

The Good: 

• There was an amazing outpouring of love after my post last week. People texted, emailed, left comments, and even shared short stories to give me encouragement and let me know that I was not alone. It was lovely to hear from some fellow runners about injuries and challenges they went through during training, and helped me see that it is not all about the running.
• My tendon is getting better, slowly. I now have virtually no pain during everyday movement, and only mild pain during the short, 1 mile run I took on Saturday to test it out.
•  I raised $140 in my "10 Person Challenge!" That is nearly enough money to give three people water for their entire life. I would like to thank Jenny and Casey, Laura, Alaina, and David for their generosity and encouragement this week. And thank you again to the people who donated last week during this challenge. Your kindness warms my soul!

Thank you, donors. I hope you feel this way too.

The Bad: 

• I am still very discouraged, and nervous that I will not be able to do the marathon becuase my stupid body is stupid. I have started to say things like "If I get to run it" and "if I get to start training again" rather than "when." Last week I was so frustrated that I took 3 days off. Ultimately the rest was probably good for my leg, but it was because I was cranky, not because I was being smart.
• I do not feel like a runner anymore. While I had been feeling so accomplished and like I was truly an athlete, I am now feeling the opposite: incapable and debilitated. It makes me feel sad.
• I actually missed my goal on the "10 Person Challenge" by one person. I had nine lovely heros. Nothing to be done about that. (Pssst... you can still donate in the "my pages" section under Kel's Marathon Mission!)
• Although it is getting better, I am very frustrated with the pace that I am recovering, and feel like I am falling behind. I am not sure how much I should be doing, or how to jump back in when (if) I am capable again. I have decided not to start running again until I am virtually pain free, but I am scared that it could be months.

The Ugly:

• This will be the third week in a row that I am out of actual training. Although I am biking, doing my ab workouts, and swimming when it is warm enough, it does not feel like training, and I feel like I have failed. 

One of my friends said to me last week that we charity runners "break ourselves so that they may live." This is a lovely sentiment, and somewhat true, but I never wanted to break myself. I was also, selfishly, doing this more for myself than for my charity. I'm not sure if the Universe is telling me to switch my perspective or what. Again I'll say, "Maybe next week." 

But my injury does have an expiration date, right Nike?

(It should be noted that the other areas of my life are, thankfully, going very well. I love my job, I have met wonderful people this year, and have some amazing tried and true friends. But this is my running blog so I am telling that story, and if I sound sad I just wanted you to know that I have great joy elsewhere.)

This Post Was Brought To You Today....

This post was brought to you today by the letter D and the number 7. D for the word of the week: discouraged, and 7 for the number of days I have been that way.

Discouraged Bear says "Bears can be discouraged too!"

I'll be honest. As I was writing the last post, where I talked about all my specatcular achievements I already knew this was coming. I began to notice it on Sunday, before the 5k, and felt a little pain while running the race. I went out Tuesday thinking "well, yesterday my Achilles tendon hurt a little, but I'm going to do my run today and take it really easy..." 

Really easy was not enough. It was a very painful run, and when I got home I knew I couldn't do that again anytime soon. Thank goodness it was a cutback week, meaning we got a bit of break in mileage because we'd come so far. I also new it was time for new shoes (bye bye paycheck). So the next day the only running I did was on the treadmill at a specialty running store as I tested out some new kicks. At the suggestion of the sales associate, who is also an avid runner, I have been mostly swimming and biking since then. And of course, I've been icing it since I learned of the issue.

In an attempt to feel less lazy, I did what I call a combo package on Saturday: 12 miles on the bike and what I think was about a 30 minute swim in the lake. I did feel less lazy, but man did it take a long time. I was able to complete my ab DVD yesterday, and did a torpid 3 mile run today with a small but persistent amount of pain. However, the rest and icing has brought the swelling down, and I have very little pain during the day when I'm walking and working.

All this has really scared me. I finally admitted it to myself over the weekend, and I spoke the words out loud on the phone tonight, surprised to find myself near tears. I'm no longer 100% sure that I will be able to complete the marathon. Up to this point I have really thought that nothing would stop me from crossing the finish line, even if I crawled it, but my faith has been shaken. I am frustrated by the fact that no amount of determination and pluck can get me through it if my body won't do it. And so I'm frightened that my big goal might not happen.

I'm also disappointed about the fundraising challenge I set myself. I have amazing friends and co-workers and five all-stars donated this week, surprising and delighting me. I am enormously grateful for them and for the $50 we raised (that's enough to give one person clean water for their whole life! What an awesome thing we've done!). But the goal was 10 people, and I only made it halfway. 

And that's how I feel about that.

Nothing to be done about that but thank Lizzie, Juan, Kate, Leah, and Janell for giving their hard earned dollars, and to try and get 5 more this week. Lizzie, Juan, Kate, and Leah, you will be in my mental list of supporters during mile six of the marathon, and Janell you are my first person to push me through big mile seven! I will be so happy to be thinking of you all on race day. Folks, the challenge is still going. Even though I didn't make it in the week I hoped for, I'm still going for those 10 donations! Let's make this week the week.

So maybe this was mopey, or had no moral, but this is how I'm feeling right now. I just needed a little moment to share my setbacks with you. I'm encouraged that I'm feeling a little better, and I will continue to convalesce this week as I take it easy. We'll see how it goes...