Recovery, Week Two: Less Exciting than Boring.

This week I am conflicted. 

Part of me feels as if I am failing utterly, and the other part of me feels like things are going fine. So I'll separate the good from the bad and try and keep it in perspective.

The Good: 

• There was an amazing outpouring of love after my post last week. People texted, emailed, left comments, and even shared short stories to give me encouragement and let me know that I was not alone. It was lovely to hear from some fellow runners about injuries and challenges they went through during training, and helped me see that it is not all about the running.
• My tendon is getting better, slowly. I now have virtually no pain during everyday movement, and only mild pain during the short, 1 mile run I took on Saturday to test it out.
•  I raised $140 in my "10 Person Challenge!" That is nearly enough money to give three people water for their entire life. I would like to thank Jenny and Casey, Laura, Alaina, and David for their generosity and encouragement this week. And thank you again to the people who donated last week during this challenge. Your kindness warms my soul!

Thank you, donors. I hope you feel this way too.

The Bad: 

• I am still very discouraged, and nervous that I will not be able to do the marathon becuase my stupid body is stupid. I have started to say things like "If I get to run it" and "if I get to start training again" rather than "when." Last week I was so frustrated that I took 3 days off. Ultimately the rest was probably good for my leg, but it was because I was cranky, not because I was being smart.
• I do not feel like a runner anymore. While I had been feeling so accomplished and like I was truly an athlete, I am now feeling the opposite: incapable and debilitated. It makes me feel sad.
• I actually missed my goal on the "10 Person Challenge" by one person. I had nine lovely heros. Nothing to be done about that. (Pssst... you can still donate in the "my pages" section under Kel's Marathon Mission!)
• Although it is getting better, I am very frustrated with the pace that I am recovering, and feel like I am falling behind. I am not sure how much I should be doing, or how to jump back in when (if) I am capable again. I have decided not to start running again until I am virtually pain free, but I am scared that it could be months.

The Ugly:

• This will be the third week in a row that I am out of actual training. Although I am biking, doing my ab workouts, and swimming when it is warm enough, it does not feel like training, and I feel like I have failed. 

One of my friends said to me last week that we charity runners "break ourselves so that they may live." This is a lovely sentiment, and somewhat true, but I never wanted to break myself. I was also, selfishly, doing this more for myself than for my charity. I'm not sure if the Universe is telling me to switch my perspective or what. Again I'll say, "Maybe next week." 

But my injury does have an expiration date, right Nike?

(It should be noted that the other areas of my life are, thankfully, going very well. I love my job, I have met wonderful people this year, and have some amazing tried and true friends. But this is my running blog so I am telling that story, and if I sound sad I just wanted you to know that I have great joy elsewhere.)

This Post Was Brought To You Today....

This post was brought to you today by the letter D and the number 7. D for the word of the week: discouraged, and 7 for the number of days I have been that way.

Discouraged Bear says "Bears can be discouraged too!"

I'll be honest. As I was writing the last post, where I talked about all my specatcular achievements I already knew this was coming. I began to notice it on Sunday, before the 5k, and felt a little pain while running the race. I went out Tuesday thinking "well, yesterday my Achilles tendon hurt a little, but I'm going to do my run today and take it really easy..." 

Really easy was not enough. It was a very painful run, and when I got home I knew I couldn't do that again anytime soon. Thank goodness it was a cutback week, meaning we got a bit of break in mileage because we'd come so far. I also new it was time for new shoes (bye bye paycheck). So the next day the only running I did was on the treadmill at a specialty running store as I tested out some new kicks. At the suggestion of the sales associate, who is also an avid runner, I have been mostly swimming and biking since then. And of course, I've been icing it since I learned of the issue.

In an attempt to feel less lazy, I did what I call a combo package on Saturday: 12 miles on the bike and what I think was about a 30 minute swim in the lake. I did feel less lazy, but man did it take a long time. I was able to complete my ab DVD yesterday, and did a torpid 3 mile run today with a small but persistent amount of pain. However, the rest and icing has brought the swelling down, and I have very little pain during the day when I'm walking and working.

All this has really scared me. I finally admitted it to myself over the weekend, and I spoke the words out loud on the phone tonight, surprised to find myself near tears. I'm no longer 100% sure that I will be able to complete the marathon. Up to this point I have really thought that nothing would stop me from crossing the finish line, even if I crawled it, but my faith has been shaken. I am frustrated by the fact that no amount of determination and pluck can get me through it if my body won't do it. And so I'm frightened that my big goal might not happen.

I'm also disappointed about the fundraising challenge I set myself. I have amazing friends and co-workers and five all-stars donated this week, surprising and delighting me. I am enormously grateful for them and for the $50 we raised (that's enough to give one person clean water for their whole life! What an awesome thing we've done!). But the goal was 10 people, and I only made it halfway. 

And that's how I feel about that.

Nothing to be done about that but thank Lizzie, Juan, Kate, Leah, and Janell for giving their hard earned dollars, and to try and get 5 more this week. Lizzie, Juan, Kate, and Leah, you will be in my mental list of supporters during mile six of the marathon, and Janell you are my first person to push me through big mile seven! I will be so happy to be thinking of you all on race day. Folks, the challenge is still going. Even though I didn't make it in the week I hoped for, I'm still going for those 10 donations! Let's make this week the week.

So maybe this was mopey, or had no moral, but this is how I'm feeling right now. I just needed a little moment to share my setbacks with you. I'm encouraged that I'm feeling a little better, and I will continue to convalesce this week as I take it easy. We'll see how it goes...

 

In Which It Was A Doozy (3 Times)

This week I ran 10 miles. Double digits baybeee!!!! It was a gorgeous, sunny Chicago morning. Slightly warm, but not too hot. The city looked beautiful, the lake was calm and shiny, and everybody was in a good mood. Yay! This was also my first week back to running group after two weeks on my own (because getting up at 6 am is haaarrd). Along the way I saw a boat named Perseverance II and we passed under Solidarity Drive. Clearly, all were symbols of our (read: my) awesomeness. I definitely benefitted from running with new friends and chatting along the way. They benefitted because they made me pacer, which was a bad idea. I made them run some miles too fast, because I am a bad pacer, or because I am a good motivator. You choose which.

In honor of my 10 mile success I have set myself a lofty goal for this week: To get ten people to donate to my marathon fund. I've been daunted lately by the huge dollar signs I am supposed to raise, so I thought "Why not break it down like I do my training?" Folks, this is totally doable, and the best part is it can be 10 people donating $1 each, or any other amount. I know, I know, this is how your bank account might feel after you donate:

It's how I felt after my 10 miles, too!

But I promise, this is how you will feel inside after you donate money that helps people get clean water:

.

So proud you might even eat a banana!

I know, because that's how I feel after I run and fundraise to get people clean water! Click the link in my pages section, or just go here!

The other thing I did this week was run my first race! That's right! The Burger and Beer 5k, which I ran with my best running buddy (also one of my accountabilibuddies), Vashti! Technically we did not run this with one another as she was going for a super speedy time. But we waved at eachother at the halfway point!

This run supported the Special Olympics, which was really cool and a cause that my parents are very fond of. They have volunteered at the Special Olympics and have awesome stories about getting hugs from the participants at finish lines, etc. This time the S.O. participants were giving me water, so it felt very full circle and smiley.

I was not planning on running any races before the marathon, and certainly not any 5ks. I mean, I do 3 miles two times a week, and my other runs are longer than that, so they're not really an "event" for me anymore. Here's why I'm glad I did it: 

• It was really cool to see so many fitness levels working hard in the same place. There were 60 year old men out there beating everyone, 12 year olds who are faster than me, and people who just hoped to run the whole race.  It gave me a lot of perspective in how far I've come and how far I could (read: will) go.
• I'm really glad I participated in a race before the 'thon. It's really different from running on your own. I found it very difficult to know how fast I was going because I was in an entirely new environment. You're so surrounded by people that it is difficult to find any stationary objects to gauge your pace off of.
• I now know what it feels like to run with so many people, and try to compete with myself instead of them. I feel a little more prepared for race day. Yay prep and research!
• I got a beer and burger at the end.  

The super secret twist ending is that because I had so much trouble with my pace (aka I like to pass people, and I actually could!) that I ran the whole thing at an 8.23 minute mile. That means I beat my pace group, and went waaay faster than I expected to go. It also means that if I do the same thing at the actual 'thon I'll poop out after 3 miles. Lesson hopefully learned. Hopefully.

And here we are! Post race (hence the crazy eyes and sweat) but pre burger and beer reward. 

We went fast!

So there you have it! Running my first double digits, and an actual 5k. Pretty big 3 days. Think how much more awesome this week will be if I can just get to my 10 people! A big huzzah to Lizzy and Juan who made donations one and two to start me off right. Thank you!!!! Let's keep it up!


Edit: Official Race results!

I came in at 25:26, meaning I actually ran an 8:13 min mile. 
I came in 30th in my female age bracket.
I came in 345th overall. 
As far as I can tell, there were 1,230 participants and 194 in my age bracket. 
I will let those numbers speak for themselves.

In Which This Girl Is On Fire.

The time is here! The weather has finally heated up. This has been great for my weekend outdoor activities and terrible for my runs. I am not a morning person, and therefore do not get up well to beat the heat and do my run at 6 am. (In fact, I've missed running group two weeks in a row because sleeping in on Saturdays is awesome.) I always do my run later in the day, but we are getting to the point where this is unbearable.

All this hot hot heat has made me think about how lucky I am. Lucky to be able to go for a walk, to the beach, or the zoo on weekends and enjoy it. Lucky to get back indoors where I have a window AC unit. (Not the height of glamour, I'll admit, but many don't even have that!) And lucky to have fresh water, which I drink all day every day. 

There's nothing better than coming back from a run and having a tall one, or an ice cold one after a hot outing on a Sunday, or even just re hydrating after a normal day of work. It feels good! It makes my body feel happy.

And then I think of the 1.1 billion people around the world who lack access to clean drinking water. Of the 4,200 children who die each day from dirty water. And it makes me super sad. Maybe this video will help you imagine what our world would be like if this were the case here in the US. (I don't know about you, but that video grossed me out in a big way.)

To be honest, my motivation for running has been tough to find the last week or so, but thinking about how I can impact with this global problem by fundraising and running has really helped to push me out the front door. If you want to learn more about this issue please visit Team World Vision's Website. If you are able, please donate either by clicking the link in the "my pages" section, or by clicking here. I am eternally grateful for the all the support you have been giving me in my effort to change the world.

The other day as I walked home in the 85 degree heat I stepped through a sprinkler that was watering the sidewalk (the sidewalk people! That's how lucky we are!) It felt deliciously cold and refreshing, and while I felt a little guilty, it also reminded me how appreciative people will be when we help bring water to their area. Don't believe me? Just look at this smile!

In Which I run a 10K and a 5K (& Make Firefly References)

Hello again, dear friends!

Many of you will remember from this post that last week went swimmingly. I felt like I'd finally gotten this running thing down and understood why everyone likes it so much. This week... not so much. 

As expected, it was much harder. Without increasing any distances, I felt like death and my legs were too tired too move. (More on this in a minute).

The good news:

• I missed my running group from having too much fun on the weekends (sometimes you need to sleep past 6 am on a Saturday) and had to go on my own. I did a 10K, and folks, I really surprised myself. When I go with my team I run in the recommended "11:30 mile" group, but it has felt a teensy bit slow to me. So on Saturday I just went out the door and attempted to set a steady pace. It was hard, and I had to push myself to keep it up, but I ran a 9:38 minute mile. To use an exceedingly British phrase, I was well chuffed.
•  Today I ran my 5K "test run" to see how I'm progressing. These are my results the first time. Today, according to the website I use (which I still don't believe because it doesn't seem possible) I ran a 9.05 minute mile. Shut the front door! How, when I felt like molasses? Sore, tired molasses. 
• This means that I've moved up to the next bracket in the training chart, so I should now train with the 11 minute group. That's up 2 groups from my initial 12 minute mile! And I'm projected to finish the 'thon a half hour sooner! Shiny!!

On the bad side, my legs have been feeling really fatigued. This from a combination of the fact that I'm training for a marathon, have a pretty active job, and am having all the funs (and none of the sleeps) the weekends. I need to figure out a way to continue doing all these things, but get more rest in. It can be done! I just need to manage it better.
And on my run today:

Actually, two. And felt pretty much the same way River does about it.

All in all it was a fabulous week, but the running physically hurt. I ran through my first side cramp which started at mile one of the 10k and it stuck around til the end. I had another side crampy friend today, which I didn't appreciate. Despite these setbacks, I am so proud of myself, and I know it will continue to get better. I am in a "Go Me!" kind of mood, which seems an excellent place to end this post. (Although I hesitate to say it, I feel like a leaf on the wind.)