Recovery, Week Two: Less Exciting than Boring.

This week I am conflicted. 

Part of me feels as if I am failing utterly, and the other part of me feels like things are going fine. So I'll separate the good from the bad and try and keep it in perspective.

The Good: 

• There was an amazing outpouring of love after my post last week. People texted, emailed, left comments, and even shared short stories to give me encouragement and let me know that I was not alone. It was lovely to hear from some fellow runners about injuries and challenges they went through during training, and helped me see that it is not all about the running.
• My tendon is getting better, slowly. I now have virtually no pain during everyday movement, and only mild pain during the short, 1 mile run I took on Saturday to test it out.
•  I raised $140 in my "10 Person Challenge!" That is nearly enough money to give three people water for their entire life. I would like to thank Jenny and Casey, Laura, Alaina, and David for their generosity and encouragement this week. And thank you again to the people who donated last week during this challenge. Your kindness warms my soul!

Thank you, donors. I hope you feel this way too.

The Bad: 

• I am still very discouraged, and nervous that I will not be able to do the marathon becuase my stupid body is stupid. I have started to say things like "If I get to run it" and "if I get to start training again" rather than "when." Last week I was so frustrated that I took 3 days off. Ultimately the rest was probably good for my leg, but it was because I was cranky, not because I was being smart.
• I do not feel like a runner anymore. While I had been feeling so accomplished and like I was truly an athlete, I am now feeling the opposite: incapable and debilitated. It makes me feel sad.
• I actually missed my goal on the "10 Person Challenge" by one person. I had nine lovely heros. Nothing to be done about that. (Pssst... you can still donate in the "my pages" section under Kel's Marathon Mission!)
• Although it is getting better, I am very frustrated with the pace that I am recovering, and feel like I am falling behind. I am not sure how much I should be doing, or how to jump back in when (if) I am capable again. I have decided not to start running again until I am virtually pain free, but I am scared that it could be months.

The Ugly:

• This will be the third week in a row that I am out of actual training. Although I am biking, doing my ab workouts, and swimming when it is warm enough, it does not feel like training, and I feel like I have failed. 

One of my friends said to me last week that we charity runners "break ourselves so that they may live." This is a lovely sentiment, and somewhat true, but I never wanted to break myself. I was also, selfishly, doing this more for myself than for my charity. I'm not sure if the Universe is telling me to switch my perspective or what. Again I'll say, "Maybe next week." 

But my injury does have an expiration date, right Nike?

(It should be noted that the other areas of my life are, thankfully, going very well. I love my job, I have met wonderful people this year, and have some amazing tried and true friends. But this is my running blog so I am telling that story, and if I sound sad I just wanted you to know that I have great joy elsewhere.)