Recovery, Week Two: Less Exciting than Boring.

This week I am conflicted. 

Part of me feels as if I am failing utterly, and the other part of me feels like things are going fine. So I'll separate the good from the bad and try and keep it in perspective.

The Good: 

• There was an amazing outpouring of love after my post last week. People texted, emailed, left comments, and even shared short stories to give me encouragement and let me know that I was not alone. It was lovely to hear from some fellow runners about injuries and challenges they went through during training, and helped me see that it is not all about the running.
• My tendon is getting better, slowly. I now have virtually no pain during everyday movement, and only mild pain during the short, 1 mile run I took on Saturday to test it out.
•  I raised $140 in my "10 Person Challenge!" That is nearly enough money to give three people water for their entire life. I would like to thank Jenny and Casey, Laura, Alaina, and David for their generosity and encouragement this week. And thank you again to the people who donated last week during this challenge. Your kindness warms my soul!

Thank you, donors. I hope you feel this way too.

The Bad: 

• I am still very discouraged, and nervous that I will not be able to do the marathon becuase my stupid body is stupid. I have started to say things like "If I get to run it" and "if I get to start training again" rather than "when." Last week I was so frustrated that I took 3 days off. Ultimately the rest was probably good for my leg, but it was because I was cranky, not because I was being smart.
• I do not feel like a runner anymore. While I had been feeling so accomplished and like I was truly an athlete, I am now feeling the opposite: incapable and debilitated. It makes me feel sad.
• I actually missed my goal on the "10 Person Challenge" by one person. I had nine lovely heros. Nothing to be done about that. (Pssst... you can still donate in the "my pages" section under Kel's Marathon Mission!)
• Although it is getting better, I am very frustrated with the pace that I am recovering, and feel like I am falling behind. I am not sure how much I should be doing, or how to jump back in when (if) I am capable again. I have decided not to start running again until I am virtually pain free, but I am scared that it could be months.

The Ugly:

• This will be the third week in a row that I am out of actual training. Although I am biking, doing my ab workouts, and swimming when it is warm enough, it does not feel like training, and I feel like I have failed. 

One of my friends said to me last week that we charity runners "break ourselves so that they may live." This is a lovely sentiment, and somewhat true, but I never wanted to break myself. I was also, selfishly, doing this more for myself than for my charity. I'm not sure if the Universe is telling me to switch my perspective or what. Again I'll say, "Maybe next week." 

But my injury does have an expiration date, right Nike?

(It should be noted that the other areas of my life are, thankfully, going very well. I love my job, I have met wonderful people this year, and have some amazing tried and true friends. But this is my running blog so I am telling that story, and if I sound sad I just wanted you to know that I have great joy elsewhere.)

Sometimes It's Hard To Plan

Here we are folks, Week 7, the penultimate week of pre-training. I should be feeling like a rock star, doing a 60 minute run (guys... that means an hour. AN HOUR!) and feeling groovy. 

I bet you can sense where this is going. I am not feeling groovy or rocking it out. This week was a miserable failure. Here's why:

As many of you know I worked for a popular retailer that we'll call the Plantain Democracy, whose mascot is an elephant. I love getting people all gussied up and showing them trends and what not, but I don't like pushy salesmanship, terrible pay, or stupid hours. And this week I worked *stupid* hours. I also got to quit my job at Plantain Democracy, and spend the weekend working a street festival for my new job. New job = better pay, working as a teaching artist, playing/learning with children about theatre and life. Oh, and regular hours. Jackpot, right?

Eee, except here's the way the two schedules worked together:

Monday: Day off (rest up, my friend, you're in for it later)
Tuesday: 6 am - 3 pm (Ugh, what?)
Wednesday: 11-4  (Normal, but followed by a ribbon cutting ceremony for the New Job and a birthday party.)
Thursday: 6 am - 3 pm (Double ughs in one week? Ugh!)
Friday: 4:45 - 10 pm (Last day! Not bad right? But look at tomorrow...)
Saturday:  Street Fest! 8:30 - 7
Sunday: Street Fest! 9:30 - 8

What a beast. I had the best intentions, started off Monday right with a 40 minute run, leveling up in my intervals and that went pretty well. Tuesday, I was going to skip my walk, go next door and get a slice of pizza (oh no, Kel, don't do it!). I didn't! For some reason my tired feet kept right on walkin' and I boogied around the block a couple times for my walk. I'm doing it guys, I'm doing it!

And then Wednesday happened, and I couldn't get out of bed. And then Thursday happened, and I meant to take a nap after my monster shift and then go for a run around 7. Instead I slept from 4 pm to EIGHT A.M. Right on through. I did manage my run on Friday, and had the foresight to make it my long run. So I ran twice this week. Once for 40 minutes and once for 60 minutes. 

Saturday and Sunday weren't as trying as I thought they'd be. I didn't run, because they looked like stupid long days. But we got out early both nights, and I did a total of 60 minutes of "dance party" time with the kids each day. So I got a hefty amount of cardio in. (I even tricked the kids into doing high knees and jumping jacks, 'cause they don't know they're not dance moves! Buahahahahaha!)

I don't feel great about how it went. I could have tried harder, scheduled better, or gone home instead of being social. When I agreed to this whole shenanigan I thought the difficulty would be the running and the more running and oh wow we're still running. But it is turning out that scheduling it in has been the most difficult aspect.

The New Job will be awesome, because it has set hours and I can have a routine. (And for a lot of other reasons, but this blog isn't about that!) It will get easier from here on out. Your take-away this week?  Discouraging weeks happen, we all fall off the fitness wagon (or whatever wagon you're goals have you riding). But wagons don't go very fast! If you run and climb up, you can get right back on. 

And if the wagon seems really far away, here's a little reminder from our graffiti artist friend:

This week's big shout out goes to the wonderful Chris for her donation to my marathon fund! I am now fully sponsored for mile four, and I love having her on my team! (She's been on my team since I was little. It's great!) Who's going to get me through mile five?