One Week More

This post was going to be devoted to happy things, since I feel like I've been a downer the last couple of times. But some crazy business has gone down in the last week, and I feel like I need a moment to PSA.

Before you read any further, take a minute to introduce yourself to taper madness. This excellent article (which gives great insight to people who are supporting marathoners as well as those of us running the race) shed some light on the fact that I have gone coo-coo-cachoo in the last couple of weeks. Like legitimately bonkers folks. 

My friends who were just pregnant kept talking about baby brain, and my head has been equally foggy and frustrating. I can't remember my normal schedule, can't keep track of things that I do every day, and while I am normally hyper organized and clean right now everything feels like it is going to shambles around me. I am panicking more often than not, and had no idea that it was normal (or at least expected).

For the record, I have done four of the five things on the article's list (because getting lost on the course would just be impossible), and wish someone had told me a month ago that I was supposed to warn my loved ones a month before the race and tell them I would lose my sanity and they would all hate me.

The article also describes taper madness as "unpleasant." That is vastly understated.

So just know that taper madness is a thing, and that we deal with it, and you have to too, because you know us. 

This ends the PSA portion of our programming. Now back to your regularly scheduled silly pictures.

Fo Realz, Mr. Turtle.

Because I'm mad for tapers!

It's gonna be my pace.

Please don't, Mr. Gossling (pleasepleasedon'treallifeboyfriendJeff).

In other news, I collected the check for my birthday party/fundraiser that I held on September 28th. Folks, we raised $250 from the raffle and $609 from the charity power hour. That is un-freaking-believable. I am so incredibly proud of everyone who donated, and extremely grateful (especially to Jeff, who provided most of the friends). So from the total $859 we raised we will be able to give seventeen people clean water for their entire lives!!

I've smashed my initial goal of $1310 (fifty dollars - or one person - for every mile I run) and am hoping to reach $2000 by race day. Guys, it's only $216 more than where I am right now.

So please, if you have been following, enjoying, or stumbled upon this blog and you have not been able to donate yet, consider doing so in this last week. Even just a little bit will help me get those last dollars in. Donate here, and feel free to enter any amount under $50 in the "other" slot. 

Thank you for joining me on this crazy journey. Thank you if you have donated. Thank you if you have given me hugs, rubbed my feet, or listened to me cry about this experience in any way. You are all wonderful, and I would not have made it this far without any of you. I am taking you all with me on race day, and the next time you hear from me it will all be over. And hopefully with very, very, good news.

T-Minus Thirteen Days....

Whoo golly this is getting rough.

I have two weeks, two measly weeks until the marathon. My runs from here on out, will all be under ten miles. I've bought new shoes for some spring in my step, and a new running outfit which I will hopefully get to wear on race day, weather permitting. (Please let me look cute, weather!)

Sounds like easy going, right?

Ugh, WRONG!!!!

I went out on my 12 mile run last Saturday thinking "so short, only 12 miles" and found myself sorely mistaken. Mostly, I was sore. You see, there's this thing that happens during the taper where your muscles for feel sluggish and like they don't want to move. (My theory is that YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SIX MONTHS. Your body and brain are telling you to quit. And yet we keep going... what is wrong with me?)

I walked a lot, took a lot of breaks, and was this close (picture two fingers super close together) to calling for someone to come pick me up and take me home. And that was at mile 6! How the badoodles am I ever going to run 26.2 miles?!?

Have you ever been so burned out on a job that you nearly burst into tears just from going to work each day? Where the slightest thing will set you off, make you cry, or want to hide in the bathroom? Or you consider calling in sick every single day. This is exactly how I feel about running. I am burned out to such an extent that I can't even keep my emotions in check for 12 miles. 

At the end of my run on Saturday this guy ran by me and started making hand signals. I thought he was another friendly lakeshore runner telling me I'm awesome and to keep going. No, turns out he was correcting my form. Telling me how I was running wrong. No doubt just trying to be helpful, but I was eleven miles into hating myself and I couldn't handle it. I burst into tears AND did this new "nearly asthma" thing that keeps happening when I'm running and crying at the same time. No doubt this guy thought I was crazy, but serves him right for being a helpful jerk. What's he do, stop and tell every single person that he's whizzing past how they're running wrong? Or does he pick one lucky victim each day and Saturday was my day?

Moral of the story: please, only say encouraging things to your fellow athletes. You don't know how much they're loving or hating what they're doing right then, and constructive criticism is not something you should give to strangers. 

Other moral of the story: Don't run a marathon. But if you do..... don't give up two weeks before it happens....

 

(It should be noted that I failed at following my own advice today. I missed my first training run of the week because I prioritized work all day today. I could have gone for a run when I got home... at 10... but I decided not to. Wracked with guilt and shame, I am now suffering the consequences, and wondering if it's possible to laze yourself out of the marathon.)

One Foot, Then Other. Repeat.

Thinking back on last week it seems like ages ago. There were so many frustrations and seeming setbacks. And then Friday I set out for a run. My schedule said "18 miles." I thought, "Well, there's no way I'll get that far since the furthest I've run is just under 14, but I'm going to go as far as I can."

And 18 miles later I wobbled up to my front door on shaky limbs, having run the entire thing with no rests.  Yes, I had to stop once to fill up my water bottle, but even that was a victory since during my 16 mile disaster I couldn't stop running at all without my knee locking up. 

Things that got me there:

• My PT exercises. I've been very diligent about them and they are definitely helping. I really feel it if I miss a day (which has only happened once), and I can definitely feel my glutes and other things participating on my runs in ways they haven't before.
• My core. I've been really concentrating on engaging it during my runs (Which is super hard. 18 miles was about 3 hours and 40 minutes. You try tightening your abs for that long!)
• Screaming at the wind. I ran along the lakeshore and when I turned back I discovered that I had an extreme headwind shoving me around. For three miles that sucker made it so difficult that I was running as hard as I could, but only moving at walking speed. Yelling at it for being a jerk didn't make me go any faster, but it did make me feel better.
• Focusing on running form. As I understand it ladies have a tendency to learn forward more when we run, which is not good for us. Leaning back a little and dropping my arms slightly helps the rest of me stay loose (and makes it easier to engage those abs). If I'm doing all those things my knees don't hurt so much.

Most of these things help me to use muscles instead of my IT band, which runners start to use when their legs get tired and the rest of them is lazy. So I did it! I ran 18 miles! I only have one more big run before the race, and then everything else gets easier. I will try for 20 miles this Saturday, but I'm not going to push it. If anything feels uncomfortable or wrong I will forgo 20, knowing that I've done 18, and preferring to come into race day healthy without my 20 miler than hurt myself in the process.

I alternate between moments of sheer pride and confidence, and absolute panic. I am petrified that I will somehow injure myself in this last month and kill my chances of running, or that I'll hurt myself during the race and not be able to finish. I know these are anxiety driven, unlikely scenarios, but I just don't trust myself or my luck at this point. These last few weeks seem incredibly long...

I feel like this guy... but not as bulge-y and shiny.

Progress is Progress.....

I have a new motto this week: 

Physical therapy last week went pretty well, and I was told my IT band is the problem. It runs from your hip to your knee on the outside of your leg, and when you run long distances it starts to overcompensate as your hammies, quads, and calves get tired. It's a very common runner problem. So I was given more exercises and told not to run for the ambiguous "a couple of days."

I rested Friday, did my ab workout Saturday, and rested Sunday. I diligently did allll of my PT exercises (I am now up to an hour and a half of PT each day).

Today I went out to run, hoping but I guess not expecting to get in my 16 mile run. My knee started to twinge a little around mile 2, but by adjusting my form (standing straighter and engaging my abs/glutes) and breathing I was able to run through the twinges without much to do. I thought "Gee, this is going quite well actually. Last Wednesday I couldn't get past 3 miles! I'm going to do as much as I can."

Kept breathing. Kept focusing on squeezing my abs and my glutes, and was chugging along at a slow 12-12 min 30 sec mile. Sufficient for where I am, a big improvement from last week.

Then I stopped to get a drink of water. HUGE mistake. I couldn't start running again without a lot of pain in my knee, no matter how much I squeezed all the other muscles that should be doing the work. Except things had been going so well, so now I'm down at Navy Freaking Pier and not able to run. I made it 7.5 miles before I had to stop, and I am trying to convince myself that, from the 3 miles I was able to run last Wed that is a good improvement. But I'm at Navy Freaking Pier. No bus pass. No bike. Just my little drumsticks to get me home. 

So I walked. And walked. And kept walking and walked all the way home. The entire endeavor took 4 hours, 10 minutes, and 31 seconds. I mean.... really. Because I had to walk, I was out in the sun for a lot longer than I expected and I hadn't put on sunscreen. In addition, the lakeshore trail was really dirty and dusty today, so I came back an absolute mess. Sunburned, looking like I'd rolled on the ground, and tear stained because I am so frustrated with this process that I just don't want to do it anymore. Seriously, look at this picture:

"Are you wearing flesh colored leggings, Kel?" "NO, that's my leg!!!"

This is what it looked like before I showered, and they're not much different now. I'm a lobster. A gimpy, grumpy lobster.

The minute positive is that I averaged a 15:37 second mile on this stupid journey, even when walking the last 8.5 miles. You have to run a 15 minute mile to complete the marathon, so if I'm just able to run for another mile or so I would have been allowed to finish. Thinnest silver lining ever, but it's there.

My strategy from this point onward is still strategically placed core days (because it's really important for me right now), rest days if I have to, and small runs during the week (I'm still not back to the actual training schedule). I will diligently perform my hour and a half of physical therapy every day from here until the 'thon. Hopefully this will get me better enough to stumble through the race.

Seriously folks, I'm so fed up with this I almost want to throw my hands up in the air, just cross train for the last month, turn up at the race and roll the dice. Seems better than a limpy 8.5 mile walk where people are afraid of you because you're sweaty, red faced, and crying.

Yeah. Kind of like that.

Back to the Therapist, Jiggity Jig

Every time I think I've got my head above water, something goes screwy.

This week it was the 14 mile run I did. My foot was feeling good, I'd done ten milers successfully, and I was ready and excited to do my first half marathon. I walked out the door full of energy and anticipation, and it started to rain.

"Who cares!" said I, "It's Half Marathon Day!!!"

Remember how sad I was the week that everyone else got to toddle off on their half and I had to watch? Well I was finally going to do it! I started off at a great pace, ran all the way from Fullerton down to the Aquarium, and turned around without a hitch. Feeling good, even on this soggy day! By mile 8, I was sodden. By mile 9 my shoes were squishy and I finally had to stop for some water. (I don't know how the rest of you runners feel, but the later in the game I can stop, the better. Once I stop moving I want to stay stopped, and I want to stop more and more frequently after that. Objects in motion, blah blah blah Newton.)

So 9-11 were a struggle, but that's about where I should be running into that feeling, since my 10 milers were going well. Here's where things went bad. I am not positive, but my theory is that since my shoes were soaked through the cushioning was not working properly anymore. Maybe not, maybe this would have happened anyway, but the outside of my left knee started to hurt. So badly that by the end of the "run" any downhill slope, regardless of how small the grade, I had to walk. I walked a lot of the last 4 miles actually. I think I probably ran the half, but that 14th mile.... yeesh.

And then I got home and looked at myself. Bedraggled. Chaffed all over my arms and upper torso because my clothes were soaked. Cuts on the back of my heels because who knows why (probably my feet/shoes/socks were soaked). Both knees hurting. I was a wounded warrior that day.

I gave it a couple of days, figuring if my knees hurt doing stairs, I probably shouldn't run. Yesterday I took my baby-friend for a run (well, she slept. I trudged and tried not to feel my knee) and today I set out on what should have been a 10 miler, only to turn around at 1.5 and finishing at 3 miles. My left knee just won't let me do a whole mile without hurting.

So here I am, bordering on injured, and with another physical therapy screening on Friday. I hope and pray that I'll be able to do my 16 miles on Saturday because I'm already playing catch up, and I only have a month and 9 days until race day. 

My feelings about it at this point: frustrated as all get out. Just let me run! I did it so well for four months, why can't I anymore? I definitely believe that I am not built for running, that there is such a thing and it is not me. I am also so annoyed that at this point I feel like even if I drag myself to the start line and half to crawl the whole thing, I am doing that stupid race. The end.

 

A Reminder...

It's been two weeks since my last post, for which I apologize, but I've still been working, I promise. 

This has been, by far, the hardest two weeks of training. I've felt ill while running, and it seems like I hit the wall just after I step out my front door. 

I find myself frustrated by my lessened abilities. I was a rock star runner a month and a half ago, doing far better than I ever expected and it felt great. Hard work, effort, and dedication had really paid off. I was so proud.

Flash forward to today, when I ran 10 miles and I thought I wasn't going to make it home. "Ran 10 miles" isn't really an accurate statement, either. I went ten miles, but I have never stopped, walked, and gasped for air so much. I probably ran 9. Probably.

Now, it was 90 degrees. But the last two weeks have been filled with runs that are so far from "fun" I can't even believe I was sort of enjoying this at one point. My training schedule is screwy because I'm making up for lost time, my confidence is blown, and I was actually near tears while running today (not really that hard, I now understand why people on The Biggest Loser cry all the time).

So what am I doing to make myself feel better?* I came home and watched several Team World Vision videos to remind me of all the good I am doing by running. The good stuff that's not just for me. This is the video I watched to remember exactly why this charity is so necessary. And here's a little video from World Vision Australia with Hugh Jackman in it. I like being on the same team as Wolverine! President Clinton and daughter Chelsea are on board too, partnering with World Vision and Proctor and Gamble to give water purification packets to people to make this water safe:
 

This is Confiance. She has to travel 30 minutes each way to
be rewarded with this filthy water.

The packets, distributed by TWV, help turn the murky green water from this borehole to this:

Confiance is on the right, and much happier now!

 I'm pretty convinced that people run with charities so that on days they want to kill themselves for choosing to run a marathon, they will realize that it is a good decision, you are doing something to make the world a better place, and those things are far more important than the fact that your legs want to fall off. I am so proud to work with an organization that provides "sustainable sources of clean drinking water" by working with "protected springs, boreholes," clean water wells, and rain capture systems. This fantastic charity "is now providing clean drinking water to a new person every 30 seconds." If you'd like to read more about Confiance and the Clintons' visit you can find the full post here.

So please, help me convince my legs and feet that their pain is worth these people's gain. Donate to my fund here and help children like Confiance gain access to safe, clean water for their whole lives.

*Note: I also ordered a big Giordano's deep dish pizza to make myself feel better. One of these coping mechanisms was super healthy. (The other was super tasty.)

Out for a Month, In for a Weekend

Ever wonder if someone could take an entire month off of marathon training and still do the race? Well folks, we are about to find out. My 10 mile run was on July 10th, and my first real run back was on August 9th. 

An update: I did my PT exercises diligently last week. They hurt oh so bad but made me feel so much better. I continued to ride my bike (talk about saddle sore. Yeesh!) and do my ab workouts (back to level 3 by August... made one goal at least!). One of my extremely long bike rides took me from Lawrence toward downtown:

How bout that skyline, eh?

And even further south, to the other side of downtown (by the aquarium). 

That black building that stands on it's own off to the right? Same as the black building that stands on it's own at the left of the other picture. I went faaar.

On Friday I went on my test run. My wonderful friend Janell went with me to keep me company and support my nerves. And I did it! It felt a little tight at moments, but I had no pain in the heel at all. What a relief!

The next day I was eager to go again, and my boyfriend ran circles around me (I am not joking). I was slow as a snail, but still no pain. 
 
Because I'm a little late on this week's post I'll update you all the way. Monday I got to do five miles at an increased interval. How exciting! The next day went something like this:

 Me: How are you feet?
 Feet: We're swell, thank you for asking!
 Me: Excellent, everything's fine and groovy the--OHMYGOSH THE PAIN!
 Thighs: We thought you quit the marathon! We don't like yooooouuuu!!!!

So cross training is great, and sooo important.... but your muscles will definitely be different. I took 2 days off running and hit the PT hard on Tuesday and today, and I get to go on a five mile RUN run tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be back in order. (Although I'm sure my thighs will continue to threaten a coup the day after.)

I'll be honest: I'm a little nervous that the rug is going to get yanked out from under me and it's all going to hurt very badly again and I won't be able to do my 'thon. After living with the pain of retail feet for years, and the tendinopathy for a month, this near pain free feeling that I'm having seems too good to be true. I don't trust it. But I'm going to keep doing exactly what the PT says and hope for the best. Because hope is awesome.

And here's a flower that I meant to post ages ago, forgot about, and then found on my phone today. Because it's hopeful!!

In which there is Hockey!!!!! (And Running)

It's week 10! We're in the double digits, folks! I can't even believe that I have been running for ten weeks. (Does this mean I have to stop telling people I'm new to this? I'm voting for no.)

I had a really easy running week last week. My times weren't always as good as they had been, but I was running in 80 degree heat after a full day leading theatre camp, and I felt great. Makes for a boring blog post, right? 

But then the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup. 

Look at it! So pretty and shiny!

 Seems somewhat unrelated, right? But over the several months that I was introduced to hockey, I watched and learned. I saw the Blackhawks play really poorly. So poorly that in the playoffs I thought "Gee, Detroit deserves this more than the Hawks do." But the one thing the Blackhawks always, always, always, did was play with heart. They had a goal, and many smaller goals leading up to it. We have to win this game, we have to win this series, and then we have to win the Cup. And their sheer determination and the effort that they put into training and playing, even when they were not playing at their best, allowed them to beat teams that were in many technical ways, playing better. 

Now before all my Hawks friends stop reading and hate me forever, let me say that this is why I admire Chicago's team so much. Running isn't easy every day. It was easy last week, but it was terrible today. Just like me, these toothless, banged up men have moments where they are tired, behind, and probably want to just quit playing. But also like me, they know that giving it their best in that moment will be enough get them through to the next moment, and the next, and the next. Working in that way, they eventually reached their ultimate goal. And Chicago went wild.

Michael Jordan said "If you put in the work, the results will come." (You can tell I really love my hometown players.) I really believe that this idea is the foundation for the work that every professional athlete does, but it works in your life too. Do the work. Put in the time on hard days and easy days, and you will reach your goal. That is what's going to get me across the finish line in October.

Oh, and I'll also be smiling about this:

My view of the win from a bar in Bucktown. Congratulations, Hawks!