One Foot, Then Other. Repeat.

Thinking back on last week it seems like ages ago. There were so many frustrations and seeming setbacks. And then Friday I set out for a run. My schedule said "18 miles." I thought, "Well, there's no way I'll get that far since the furthest I've run is just under 14, but I'm going to go as far as I can."

And 18 miles later I wobbled up to my front door on shaky limbs, having run the entire thing with no rests.  Yes, I had to stop once to fill up my water bottle, but even that was a victory since during my 16 mile disaster I couldn't stop running at all without my knee locking up. 

Things that got me there:

• My PT exercises. I've been very diligent about them and they are definitely helping. I really feel it if I miss a day (which has only happened once), and I can definitely feel my glutes and other things participating on my runs in ways they haven't before.
• My core. I've been really concentrating on engaging it during my runs (Which is super hard. 18 miles was about 3 hours and 40 minutes. You try tightening your abs for that long!)
• Screaming at the wind. I ran along the lakeshore and when I turned back I discovered that I had an extreme headwind shoving me around. For three miles that sucker made it so difficult that I was running as hard as I could, but only moving at walking speed. Yelling at it for being a jerk didn't make me go any faster, but it did make me feel better.
• Focusing on running form. As I understand it ladies have a tendency to learn forward more when we run, which is not good for us. Leaning back a little and dropping my arms slightly helps the rest of me stay loose (and makes it easier to engage those abs). If I'm doing all those things my knees don't hurt so much.

Most of these things help me to use muscles instead of my IT band, which runners start to use when their legs get tired and the rest of them is lazy. So I did it! I ran 18 miles! I only have one more big run before the race, and then everything else gets easier. I will try for 20 miles this Saturday, but I'm not going to push it. If anything feels uncomfortable or wrong I will forgo 20, knowing that I've done 18, and preferring to come into race day healthy without my 20 miler than hurt myself in the process.

I alternate between moments of sheer pride and confidence, and absolute panic. I am petrified that I will somehow injure myself in this last month and kill my chances of running, or that I'll hurt myself during the race and not be able to finish. I know these are anxiety driven, unlikely scenarios, but I just don't trust myself or my luck at this point. These last few weeks seem incredibly long...

I feel like this guy... but not as bulge-y and shiny.