One Week More

This post was going to be devoted to happy things, since I feel like I've been a downer the last couple of times. But some crazy business has gone down in the last week, and I feel like I need a moment to PSA.

Before you read any further, take a minute to introduce yourself to taper madness. This excellent article (which gives great insight to people who are supporting marathoners as well as those of us running the race) shed some light on the fact that I have gone coo-coo-cachoo in the last couple of weeks. Like legitimately bonkers folks. 

My friends who were just pregnant kept talking about baby brain, and my head has been equally foggy and frustrating. I can't remember my normal schedule, can't keep track of things that I do every day, and while I am normally hyper organized and clean right now everything feels like it is going to shambles around me. I am panicking more often than not, and had no idea that it was normal (or at least expected).

For the record, I have done four of the five things on the article's list (because getting lost on the course would just be impossible), and wish someone had told me a month ago that I was supposed to warn my loved ones a month before the race and tell them I would lose my sanity and they would all hate me.

The article also describes taper madness as "unpleasant." That is vastly understated.

So just know that taper madness is a thing, and that we deal with it, and you have to too, because you know us. 

This ends the PSA portion of our programming. Now back to your regularly scheduled silly pictures.

Fo Realz, Mr. Turtle.

Because I'm mad for tapers!

It's gonna be my pace.

Please don't, Mr. Gossling (pleasepleasedon'treallifeboyfriendJeff).

In other news, I collected the check for my birthday party/fundraiser that I held on September 28th. Folks, we raised $250 from the raffle and $609 from the charity power hour. That is un-freaking-believable. I am so incredibly proud of everyone who donated, and extremely grateful (especially to Jeff, who provided most of the friends). So from the total $859 we raised we will be able to give seventeen people clean water for their entire lives!!

I've smashed my initial goal of $1310 (fifty dollars - or one person - for every mile I run) and am hoping to reach $2000 by race day. Guys, it's only $216 more than where I am right now.

So please, if you have been following, enjoying, or stumbled upon this blog and you have not been able to donate yet, consider doing so in this last week. Even just a little bit will help me get those last dollars in. Donate here, and feel free to enter any amount under $50 in the "other" slot. 

Thank you for joining me on this crazy journey. Thank you if you have donated. Thank you if you have given me hugs, rubbed my feet, or listened to me cry about this experience in any way. You are all wonderful, and I would not have made it this far without any of you. I am taking you all with me on race day, and the next time you hear from me it will all be over. And hopefully with very, very, good news.

Back to the Therapist, Jiggity Jig

Every time I think I've got my head above water, something goes screwy.

This week it was the 14 mile run I did. My foot was feeling good, I'd done ten milers successfully, and I was ready and excited to do my first half marathon. I walked out the door full of energy and anticipation, and it started to rain.

"Who cares!" said I, "It's Half Marathon Day!!!"

Remember how sad I was the week that everyone else got to toddle off on their half and I had to watch? Well I was finally going to do it! I started off at a great pace, ran all the way from Fullerton down to the Aquarium, and turned around without a hitch. Feeling good, even on this soggy day! By mile 8, I was sodden. By mile 9 my shoes were squishy and I finally had to stop for some water. (I don't know how the rest of you runners feel, but the later in the game I can stop, the better. Once I stop moving I want to stay stopped, and I want to stop more and more frequently after that. Objects in motion, blah blah blah Newton.)

So 9-11 were a struggle, but that's about where I should be running into that feeling, since my 10 milers were going well. Here's where things went bad. I am not positive, but my theory is that since my shoes were soaked through the cushioning was not working properly anymore. Maybe not, maybe this would have happened anyway, but the outside of my left knee started to hurt. So badly that by the end of the "run" any downhill slope, regardless of how small the grade, I had to walk. I walked a lot of the last 4 miles actually. I think I probably ran the half, but that 14th mile.... yeesh.

And then I got home and looked at myself. Bedraggled. Chaffed all over my arms and upper torso because my clothes were soaked. Cuts on the back of my heels because who knows why (probably my feet/shoes/socks were soaked). Both knees hurting. I was a wounded warrior that day.

I gave it a couple of days, figuring if my knees hurt doing stairs, I probably shouldn't run. Yesterday I took my baby-friend for a run (well, she slept. I trudged and tried not to feel my knee) and today I set out on what should have been a 10 miler, only to turn around at 1.5 and finishing at 3 miles. My left knee just won't let me do a whole mile without hurting.

So here I am, bordering on injured, and with another physical therapy screening on Friday. I hope and pray that I'll be able to do my 16 miles on Saturday because I'm already playing catch up, and I only have a month and 9 days until race day. 

My feelings about it at this point: frustrated as all get out. Just let me run! I did it so well for four months, why can't I anymore? I definitely believe that I am not built for running, that there is such a thing and it is not me. I am also so annoyed that at this point I feel like even if I drag myself to the start line and half to crawl the whole thing, I am doing that stupid race. The end.

 

A Reminder...

It's been two weeks since my last post, for which I apologize, but I've still been working, I promise. 

This has been, by far, the hardest two weeks of training. I've felt ill while running, and it seems like I hit the wall just after I step out my front door. 

I find myself frustrated by my lessened abilities. I was a rock star runner a month and a half ago, doing far better than I ever expected and it felt great. Hard work, effort, and dedication had really paid off. I was so proud.

Flash forward to today, when I ran 10 miles and I thought I wasn't going to make it home. "Ran 10 miles" isn't really an accurate statement, either. I went ten miles, but I have never stopped, walked, and gasped for air so much. I probably ran 9. Probably.

Now, it was 90 degrees. But the last two weeks have been filled with runs that are so far from "fun" I can't even believe I was sort of enjoying this at one point. My training schedule is screwy because I'm making up for lost time, my confidence is blown, and I was actually near tears while running today (not really that hard, I now understand why people on The Biggest Loser cry all the time).

So what am I doing to make myself feel better?* I came home and watched several Team World Vision videos to remind me of all the good I am doing by running. The good stuff that's not just for me. This is the video I watched to remember exactly why this charity is so necessary. And here's a little video from World Vision Australia with Hugh Jackman in it. I like being on the same team as Wolverine! President Clinton and daughter Chelsea are on board too, partnering with World Vision and Proctor and Gamble to give water purification packets to people to make this water safe:
 

This is Confiance. She has to travel 30 minutes each way to
be rewarded with this filthy water.

The packets, distributed by TWV, help turn the murky green water from this borehole to this:

Confiance is on the right, and much happier now!

 I'm pretty convinced that people run with charities so that on days they want to kill themselves for choosing to run a marathon, they will realize that it is a good decision, you are doing something to make the world a better place, and those things are far more important than the fact that your legs want to fall off. I am so proud to work with an organization that provides "sustainable sources of clean drinking water" by working with "protected springs, boreholes," clean water wells, and rain capture systems. This fantastic charity "is now providing clean drinking water to a new person every 30 seconds." If you'd like to read more about Confiance and the Clintons' visit you can find the full post here.

So please, help me convince my legs and feet that their pain is worth these people's gain. Donate to my fund here and help children like Confiance gain access to safe, clean water for their whole lives.

*Note: I also ordered a big Giordano's deep dish pizza to make myself feel better. One of these coping mechanisms was super healthy. (The other was super tasty.)

Out for a Month, In for a Weekend

Ever wonder if someone could take an entire month off of marathon training and still do the race? Well folks, we are about to find out. My 10 mile run was on July 10th, and my first real run back was on August 9th. 

An update: I did my PT exercises diligently last week. They hurt oh so bad but made me feel so much better. I continued to ride my bike (talk about saddle sore. Yeesh!) and do my ab workouts (back to level 3 by August... made one goal at least!). One of my extremely long bike rides took me from Lawrence toward downtown:

How bout that skyline, eh?

And even further south, to the other side of downtown (by the aquarium). 

That black building that stands on it's own off to the right? Same as the black building that stands on it's own at the left of the other picture. I went faaar.

On Friday I went on my test run. My wonderful friend Janell went with me to keep me company and support my nerves. And I did it! It felt a little tight at moments, but I had no pain in the heel at all. What a relief!

The next day I was eager to go again, and my boyfriend ran circles around me (I am not joking). I was slow as a snail, but still no pain. 
 
Because I'm a little late on this week's post I'll update you all the way. Monday I got to do five miles at an increased interval. How exciting! The next day went something like this:

 Me: How are you feet?
 Feet: We're swell, thank you for asking!
 Me: Excellent, everything's fine and groovy the--OHMYGOSH THE PAIN!
 Thighs: We thought you quit the marathon! We don't like yooooouuuu!!!!

So cross training is great, and sooo important.... but your muscles will definitely be different. I took 2 days off running and hit the PT hard on Tuesday and today, and I get to go on a five mile RUN run tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be back in order. (Although I'm sure my thighs will continue to threaten a coup the day after.)

I'll be honest: I'm a little nervous that the rug is going to get yanked out from under me and it's all going to hurt very badly again and I won't be able to do my 'thon. After living with the pain of retail feet for years, and the tendinopathy for a month, this near pain free feeling that I'm having seems too good to be true. I don't trust it. But I'm going to keep doing exactly what the PT says and hope for the best. Because hope is awesome.

And here's a flower that I meant to post ages ago, forgot about, and then found on my phone today. Because it's hopeful!!

Recovery, Week Two: Less Exciting than Boring.

This week I am conflicted. 

Part of me feels as if I am failing utterly, and the other part of me feels like things are going fine. So I'll separate the good from the bad and try and keep it in perspective.

The Good: 

• There was an amazing outpouring of love after my post last week. People texted, emailed, left comments, and even shared short stories to give me encouragement and let me know that I was not alone. It was lovely to hear from some fellow runners about injuries and challenges they went through during training, and helped me see that it is not all about the running.
• My tendon is getting better, slowly. I now have virtually no pain during everyday movement, and only mild pain during the short, 1 mile run I took on Saturday to test it out.
•  I raised $140 in my "10 Person Challenge!" That is nearly enough money to give three people water for their entire life. I would like to thank Jenny and Casey, Laura, Alaina, and David for their generosity and encouragement this week. And thank you again to the people who donated last week during this challenge. Your kindness warms my soul!

Thank you, donors. I hope you feel this way too.

The Bad: 

• I am still very discouraged, and nervous that I will not be able to do the marathon becuase my stupid body is stupid. I have started to say things like "If I get to run it" and "if I get to start training again" rather than "when." Last week I was so frustrated that I took 3 days off. Ultimately the rest was probably good for my leg, but it was because I was cranky, not because I was being smart.
• I do not feel like a runner anymore. While I had been feeling so accomplished and like I was truly an athlete, I am now feeling the opposite: incapable and debilitated. It makes me feel sad.
• I actually missed my goal on the "10 Person Challenge" by one person. I had nine lovely heros. Nothing to be done about that. (Pssst... you can still donate in the "my pages" section under Kel's Marathon Mission!)
• Although it is getting better, I am very frustrated with the pace that I am recovering, and feel like I am falling behind. I am not sure how much I should be doing, or how to jump back in when (if) I am capable again. I have decided not to start running again until I am virtually pain free, but I am scared that it could be months.

The Ugly:

• This will be the third week in a row that I am out of actual training. Although I am biking, doing my ab workouts, and swimming when it is warm enough, it does not feel like training, and I feel like I have failed. 

One of my friends said to me last week that we charity runners "break ourselves so that they may live." This is a lovely sentiment, and somewhat true, but I never wanted to break myself. I was also, selfishly, doing this more for myself than for my charity. I'm not sure if the Universe is telling me to switch my perspective or what. Again I'll say, "Maybe next week." 

But my injury does have an expiration date, right Nike?

(It should be noted that the other areas of my life are, thankfully, going very well. I love my job, I have met wonderful people this year, and have some amazing tried and true friends. But this is my running blog so I am telling that story, and if I sound sad I just wanted you to know that I have great joy elsewhere.)

This Post Was Brought To You Today....

This post was brought to you today by the letter D and the number 7. D for the word of the week: discouraged, and 7 for the number of days I have been that way.

Discouraged Bear says "Bears can be discouraged too!"

I'll be honest. As I was writing the last post, where I talked about all my specatcular achievements I already knew this was coming. I began to notice it on Sunday, before the 5k, and felt a little pain while running the race. I went out Tuesday thinking "well, yesterday my Achilles tendon hurt a little, but I'm going to do my run today and take it really easy..." 

Really easy was not enough. It was a very painful run, and when I got home I knew I couldn't do that again anytime soon. Thank goodness it was a cutback week, meaning we got a bit of break in mileage because we'd come so far. I also new it was time for new shoes (bye bye paycheck). So the next day the only running I did was on the treadmill at a specialty running store as I tested out some new kicks. At the suggestion of the sales associate, who is also an avid runner, I have been mostly swimming and biking since then. And of course, I've been icing it since I learned of the issue.

In an attempt to feel less lazy, I did what I call a combo package on Saturday: 12 miles on the bike and what I think was about a 30 minute swim in the lake. I did feel less lazy, but man did it take a long time. I was able to complete my ab DVD yesterday, and did a torpid 3 mile run today with a small but persistent amount of pain. However, the rest and icing has brought the swelling down, and I have very little pain during the day when I'm walking and working.

All this has really scared me. I finally admitted it to myself over the weekend, and I spoke the words out loud on the phone tonight, surprised to find myself near tears. I'm no longer 100% sure that I will be able to complete the marathon. Up to this point I have really thought that nothing would stop me from crossing the finish line, even if I crawled it, but my faith has been shaken. I am frustrated by the fact that no amount of determination and pluck can get me through it if my body won't do it. And so I'm frightened that my big goal might not happen.

I'm also disappointed about the fundraising challenge I set myself. I have amazing friends and co-workers and five all-stars donated this week, surprising and delighting me. I am enormously grateful for them and for the $50 we raised (that's enough to give one person clean water for their whole life! What an awesome thing we've done!). But the goal was 10 people, and I only made it halfway. 

And that's how I feel about that.

Nothing to be done about that but thank Lizzie, Juan, Kate, Leah, and Janell for giving their hard earned dollars, and to try and get 5 more this week. Lizzie, Juan, Kate, and Leah, you will be in my mental list of supporters during mile six of the marathon, and Janell you are my first person to push me through big mile seven! I will be so happy to be thinking of you all on race day. Folks, the challenge is still going. Even though I didn't make it in the week I hoped for, I'm still going for those 10 donations! Let's make this week the week.

So maybe this was mopey, or had no moral, but this is how I'm feeling right now. I just needed a little moment to share my setbacks with you. I'm encouraged that I'm feeling a little better, and I will continue to convalesce this week as I take it easy. We'll see how it goes...

 

In Which I run a 10K and a 5K (& Make Firefly References)

Hello again, dear friends!

Many of you will remember from this post that last week went swimmingly. I felt like I'd finally gotten this running thing down and understood why everyone likes it so much. This week... not so much. 

As expected, it was much harder. Without increasing any distances, I felt like death and my legs were too tired too move. (More on this in a minute).

The good news:

• I missed my running group from having too much fun on the weekends (sometimes you need to sleep past 6 am on a Saturday) and had to go on my own. I did a 10K, and folks, I really surprised myself. When I go with my team I run in the recommended "11:30 mile" group, but it has felt a teensy bit slow to me. So on Saturday I just went out the door and attempted to set a steady pace. It was hard, and I had to push myself to keep it up, but I ran a 9:38 minute mile. To use an exceedingly British phrase, I was well chuffed.
•  Today I ran my 5K "test run" to see how I'm progressing. These are my results the first time. Today, according to the website I use (which I still don't believe because it doesn't seem possible) I ran a 9.05 minute mile. Shut the front door! How, when I felt like molasses? Sore, tired molasses. 
• This means that I've moved up to the next bracket in the training chart, so I should now train with the 11 minute group. That's up 2 groups from my initial 12 minute mile! And I'm projected to finish the 'thon a half hour sooner! Shiny!!

On the bad side, my legs have been feeling really fatigued. This from a combination of the fact that I'm training for a marathon, have a pretty active job, and am having all the funs (and none of the sleeps) the weekends. I need to figure out a way to continue doing all these things, but get more rest in. It can be done! I just need to manage it better.
And on my run today:

Actually, two. And felt pretty much the same way River does about it.

All in all it was a fabulous week, but the running physically hurt. I ran through my first side cramp which started at mile one of the 10k and it stuck around til the end. I had another side crampy friend today, which I didn't appreciate. Despite these setbacks, I am so proud of myself, and I know it will continue to get better. I am in a "Go Me!" kind of mood, which seems an excellent place to end this post. (Although I hesitate to say it, I feel like a leaf on the wind.)

In which there is Hockey!!!!! (And Running)

It's week 10! We're in the double digits, folks! I can't even believe that I have been running for ten weeks. (Does this mean I have to stop telling people I'm new to this? I'm voting for no.)

I had a really easy running week last week. My times weren't always as good as they had been, but I was running in 80 degree heat after a full day leading theatre camp, and I felt great. Makes for a boring blog post, right? 

But then the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup. 

Look at it! So pretty and shiny!

 Seems somewhat unrelated, right? But over the several months that I was introduced to hockey, I watched and learned. I saw the Blackhawks play really poorly. So poorly that in the playoffs I thought "Gee, Detroit deserves this more than the Hawks do." But the one thing the Blackhawks always, always, always, did was play with heart. They had a goal, and many smaller goals leading up to it. We have to win this game, we have to win this series, and then we have to win the Cup. And their sheer determination and the effort that they put into training and playing, even when they were not playing at their best, allowed them to beat teams that were in many technical ways, playing better. 

Now before all my Hawks friends stop reading and hate me forever, let me say that this is why I admire Chicago's team so much. Running isn't easy every day. It was easy last week, but it was terrible today. Just like me, these toothless, banged up men have moments where they are tired, behind, and probably want to just quit playing. But also like me, they know that giving it their best in that moment will be enough get them through to the next moment, and the next, and the next. Working in that way, they eventually reached their ultimate goal. And Chicago went wild.

Michael Jordan said "If you put in the work, the results will come." (You can tell I really love my hometown players.) I really believe that this idea is the foundation for the work that every professional athlete does, but it works in your life too. Do the work. Put in the time on hard days and easy days, and you will reach your goal. That is what's going to get me across the finish line in October.

Oh, and I'll also be smiling about this:

My view of the win from a bar in Bucktown. Congratulations, Hawks!